#the change in carmy and syd's age...

[espumado]

Differences and details from the original script for episode 1 of The Bear

[freedelusionshere]

After rewatch, feel like Carmy knows Syd has every reason to leave him and invited her to the Ever dinner because that was his one last shot at trying to give her something he knows she deserves. It’s also the second funeral of the season.

The episode before Forever was called Apologies. He says he doesn’t want to be so hard to keep up with to Syd, but doesn’t elaborate and it frustrates her. His inviting her to Ever was a kind of apology for how he treated her, and he had to charm her and talk her into going!

Add in his remarks to Syd and Marcus about how he has to get right with everything and everyone in Legacy, which tells us we know he does understand what it takes and has been avoiding it.

He’s realized he will lose Syd forever if he doesn’t change. It’s why he gets hung up on apologizing to Claire as a start, because we saw at an Al-Anon meeting in the past, a woman went into very detailed remarks about how if you wait too long to say you’re sorry it gets stuck inside you. We also learn Carmy feels guilt about not doing more for Mikey in his convo with Cicero, unsaid things.

Syd wanted to be seen as his equal, and wants a star he can’t give her; and he knows now he can’t try to hold on too tightly because he did and it pushed her away. He went from hands off in S2, to tossing her a partnership agreement and never leaving her alone in S3, to ending up having to let go to start to work on himself. A sign, to me, that he actual does really love her more than himself.

This line from Carmy when he’s talking to Chef Terry: “It feels like I’ve been starting forever.”

Both Syd and Carmy are caught in a loop where they’re both repeating their pasts and starting over. Terry tells Carmy about herself at his age: “You have no idea what you’re doing, and therefore, you’re invincible.”

But Syd and Carmy haven’t done “the thing” they both agreed to in the alley in S1. Or even what they agreed to under the table. Not all the way yet. Which is where S4 is headed. It’s the place left for them to go that requires the real emotional commitment and vulnerability.

Syd doesn’t just need Carmy’s collaboration on dishes, or even his full focus (she got a version of that in S3 which sucked big-time). She needs to feel safe opening up to him about what she wants from him as a partner. She’s going to have to give up ignoring her needs and prioritizing everyone else.

While it’s obvious to everyone Carmy needs Syd when it comes to running the restaurant, he definitely needs to show up for her emotionally and not just keep making it about himself. Which the show tells us he already knows he has to get right with everyone - clean up his side of the street.

Them listening and looking at each other up close is the thing that they’re both afraid to do. Syd making the margins wider but not telling him her real feelings is nice, as Carmy says, but not the truth of her.

Which, it is going to be messy, because they’re not on the same page right now.

[heavenbarnes]

Run the pass

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x GN!Reader x Sydney Adamu

Warnings/Contains: reader is gender-neutral (no pronouns or descriptions of their genitals), swearing, allusions to alcohol, brief and non-descriptive mentions of vomiting, Claire exists, reader doesn't necessarily treat Syd the way she deserves, penetrative sex (with no mentions of protection), oral sex (reader and Syd receiving), coming inside, dirty talk.

Word Count: 7k

I have had this idea in my head for an AGE and I'm so glad I finally get to write it. In my head, the threesome didn't happen but I think it was a lovely addition. God, I just need these two like water.

This kitchen sounds like home.

Sure, there's a whirring noise coming from the walk in chiller. Sure, Richie is going waxing-lyrical at Fak over the score of some ball game. Sure, the grill spits like a dragon at the gates of doom.

But this kitchen sounds like home.

It's full of flavour, and friends, and- well, Carmy's in it.

You can only see the back of him, the white t-shirt stretched across his shoulders. You can see the backs of his arms moving as he plates the next meal. But it makes you smile, just inwardly, as you fold the mixture in the steel bowl in front of you.

When you look up again, Sydney's beside him. She's pushing another plate towards him and they're shoulder to shoulder. They work so perfectly in-sync that your smile widens.

Tina catches it, nudging you with her hip as she walks past you. "Wish somebody would look at me like that."

You just shake your head, putting it down to focus on your food in front of you as you keep working. By the time you pick your head back up, you see that Carmy's looking back at you over his shoulder.

Looking into Carmy's eyes is like staring into the sun, all consuming and a little blinding. If it'd been any different, you would've seen Sydney watching you over his other shoulder.

-

Carmy is a good boss, he's firm but fair. Firm but fair.

Working in his kitchen is one of the best gigs that ever fell in your lap. He wasn't even the one to hire you, go figure.

His brother, Michael, he hired you. You'd come in to put your name in the running for the kitchen-hand position they were advertising for. He saw something different.

That's how you ended up working the register.

Not exactly what you had in mind when you'd applied at the restaurant but, money is money and it was nearly impossible to find a job in this city. Also, Michael had told you that once folks walked past and saw you in the front window? Customers would come running.

You figured it wasn't worth the argument, and who knows? Maybe you could've impressed him enough to make your way into the kitchen.

Then things went and changed on you, Michael up and made his big decision and here you were on the register with his younger brother running the kitchen you so badly wanted to break into.

Carmy needed to find his feet in this place, understand how the sausage gets made. So you didn't fuss about your role, it was easier to let things lie as they were and maybe bring it up later on.

It wasn't even you that brought it up, it was Sydney.

"God knows we need more help in the kitchen but no, let's keep the register covered!" She threw up her hands with an exasperated groan.

Carmy's face scrunched in confusion, looking towards the wall as if he could somehow see through it and visualise you out the front.

He spoke your name like a question, one that Sydney was very quick to answer.

"Carmy, please tell me you're not serious?" She even laughed a little as she picked up the cloth on her shoulder and threw it at the man. "Have you two even spoken once?"

And then it was Carmy that finally brought it up with you, calling you into his office as he heard you getting ready to leave for the night.

You poked your head into the small room and smiled at him. "Yes, chef?"

He waved you in, turning his seat around till he was facing you. Carmy was hunched over, obviously tired with his elbows resting on his knees.

"Why didn't you tell me you graduated from Kendall?"

Your mouth suddenly felt dry, eyes going wide like you'd been caught out in some kind of lie. You hadn't really lied, had you? Just maybe not told him the whole truth.

"Well, I-uh-" You stuttered your way through, hoping he'd just give up and drop it.

Carmy was a surprisingly patient man.

Your voice could hardly be called more than a whisper as you spoke. "I told Michael."

Confusion was written on his face as his brow furrowed. "What?"

"He just thought I'd be better as front of house, thought maybe the customers would enjoy something nice to look at."

Carmy felt his eye twitch, his elbows nearly shattered his femurs as he his whole body went rigid. "Excuse me?"

He wasn't even sure why he'd asked that last part, it wasn't like he was listening. As you babbled away in the doorway, all Carmy could hear was the blood rushing in his ears.

Michael had said what? From the moment Carmy laid eyes on you he had wished nobody else could. He didn't want a single person to be able to look at you the way he did, he wanted you all to himself.

And his older brother was happy to let any of the bastards off the street look you up and down through the front window? He actually encouraged it?

Carmy stood up quickly, maybe too quickly, he felt like his head was spinning off his shoulders. As his heart nearly burst out his chest he realised what he needed. Keeping his head low, he turned to look at you and suddenly felt it.

The world slowed down a little bit, everything settled back nicely into place. You were smiling, albeit nervously, but you were there and you were smiling.

Carmy ran a large hand over his face as he spoke matter-of-factly.

"I want you in the kitchen starting tomorrow morning," His eyes locked onto yours. "Chef."

-

You didn't really remember where it started, well- you kind of did. You think it might've been a late night, both of you the last to leave the kitchen and you'd been talking each other's ears off like you usually do.

Carmy definitely made the first move, there was no doubt about it. You seemed to think he'd had your hips pinned to the edge of one of the stainless steel benches as he caught your lips with his own.

You'd felt the firm muscle of his neck beneath your hands as you cradled him like he was precious. Well, to you at least, he was precious.

It'd ended with him walking you to his office, making you kneel in his chair as he took you from behind. You remembered his hands closing over yours, where they gripped the back of the chair, fingers locking with yours.

You remember the flashes of his tattoos as he dropped one of his hands in front of you, sliding down your front to the centre of your thighs- how his hips didn't falter once as his stroked you to perfection.

Everything Carmy did was perfection.

His food made your eyes roll back in your head, his movements could make your mouth water, his words could have your whole body twitching,

In your eyes, Carmy was built on a pillar of perfection.

Not that he'd ever see it, anyways.

You'd both done your best to keep your private lives private, but this kitchen, this kitchen felt like family. It wasn't long before the glances between you both, the poorly timed arrivals and departures from the place began to add up.

Sydney was the first to notice, she didn't even say a word. She'd just seen the way you looked at him, how you'd light up when he praised your food, how your body reacted when he'd place a hand on your back to move behind.

Sydney was always observant when it came to you.

She didn't need to say anything, anyway. Tina coined on soon enough and then it was all over. Obviously, she told Richie, who told Fak, and the rest was history.

You and Carmy never confirmed or denied at work, but at least you didn't need to try and hide the way you felt about him. If they saw you kiss in the car before work, everyone just let it be (most of the time anyway, Jerimovich).

The confirmation never came because, well, you'd also never confirmed it just the both of you. He wasn't your boyfriend, there was no real label to what was happening.

You were two people who wanted everything to do with one another and very much enjoyed the other's company. That was simply that.

Any given night of the week, you could be found curled up on Carmy's chest either at his apartment or yours. Any of the other nights, you were probably underneath him or perched in his lap crying his name.

Neither of you felt the need to force a label on it.

-

By the time Claire showed up, things had become- different?

Carmy had been good about it, really good about it, he'd told you straight away that he'd seen her again and he had feelings for her. You'd both spoken at lengths over the dinner table about what this meant and the decision was mutual.

There was no label on it, he never belonged to you.

The rest of the family were harder to convince that this was for the best. Richie had actually walked out when you'd explained that you and Carmy had stopped 'seeing' each other.

Sydney couldn't deny she'd felt initial shock about it, too. It sort of blindsided her, but then there was a little something in the pit of her stomach that she couldn't- wouldn't name.

It was actually her that tried to have the 'come to Jesus' speech with you about Carmy.

"I'm not above begging, you need to start fucking that man again."

You nearly spat your coffee out, leaning against the front counter watching Sydney pace back and forth. "What on earth are you-"

"It was so much easier when it was you and Carmy," She stopped in her tracks, turning on her heel to look at you. "Since Claire turned up he's been impossible."

Even you had to admit that you'd noticed a change in Carmy since Claire showed up. He was so distant, he was hard to tie down, he seemed more on edge. He reminded you more of the Carmy that first arrived at this restaurant all that time ago.

It was a shame, you thought, he'd been doing so well.

You wiped a drip of coffee off the side of your mug as you placed it down beside you. "I really don't think me fucking Carmy is the answer."

Sydney gave a small shrug that almost came off as agreement. She wouldn't say it out loud but it definitely wasn't her first option, it wasn't even her second. If Sydney had it her way, she didn't want to think about Carmy's hands on you again.

And she'd thought about it. A lot.

"Something has to give, I don't think I can handle him canceling one more plan."

You sighed, a full-chested sigh that conveyed you felt her frustration. Pushing yourself off the counter, you placed a hand on Sydney's shoulder. If you were her, you would've felt the pure electricity that radiated off your touch.

"I'll at least talk to him, how about that?"

The talk didn't really do much. Carmy promised to do better, there was an apology in there somewhere. But you come to find out days later that'd he'd bitched out on another plan with Sydney.

Men, can't live with them!

It was in his office (without him of course, he was with Claire) with Sugar and Sydney that you'd all made up your minds. Well, you planted the idea and it grew from there.

"Lets just go get a drink, I don't think tonight is worth wasting any more energy."

Sugar jumped at the chance, already walking back out front to grab her purse. Sydney needed a little more convincing, her spirits a little crushed and her soul a little tired.

You'd managed to hush her up, giving her marching orders to get in your car and look like she was enjoying herself. Which, she ended up doing.

The booth was a little sticky and the music was a little shitty, the lights were so dim you could hardly see but you were having fun. Even Sydney had to admit she was having fun.

"Okay, fine! I'm having fun!"

Sugar let out a squeal of excitement, bringing your glasses together to cheers. "Here's to forgetting my little shit of a brother!"

After she said it, she turned to you with an apology on her tongue. "Oops."

You laughed it off, raising your glass and taking a sip. "No harm done, remember, we were-"

"Never togetherrrr." Sugar finished for you. "So you keep saying."

You just shook your head, calling the waitress over for another round. You ordered for yourself and Sydney before Sugar stopped you from getting hers. "Don't worry, Pete's on his way."

The three of you needed each other, needed this bond, needed these drinks, needed this moment. Regardless of your feelings towards Carmy, you'd all been scorned by him in some way, shape, or form.

It even felt good to hear Sydney get her real feelings off her chest.

"And you know what? Not to sound un-girls-girl, but fuck Claire!"

It was met with a quiet "fuck her!" from Sugar.

"She comes to the restaurant, she's just staaaaanding there, she knows she's taking up all his time."

All of you needed to get it out, you maybe the least. You knew it was hard for everyone else to understand, but you really didn't hold any resentment towards Carmy. Maybe a little, for leaving the kitchen high and dry. But really, you just enjoyed the memories of you two.

You and Sydney were a halfway through your new drinks when Sugar stood from the booth, grabbing her bag.

"Alright, I love you two more than life itself but I must depart!" You laughed as the tequila spoke for her.

"Bye, Shug!" You called after her as she waved and blew kisses at the both of you before disappearing through the door.

Leaving just you and Sydney alone at the table, you smiled at her as she intensely studied the grain of the wood. Sooner or later, she looked up and caught your gaze.

"Are you actually okay with Carmy and Claire?"

You smiled, earnestly. "Yes, I'm frustrated that it's upsetting you, but I'm inherently fine with it."

Sydney swallowed hard, you would've been able to hear it if the Brooks & Dunn in the bar wasn't so loud. She rolled the edge of her glass around the table before she spoke up.

"I just don't know how he's so okay with it."

You immediately thought she meant his letting the restaurant slide. But you knew Sydney, you knew her just enough that you could tell there was something sitting below the surface. You cared enough to implore it.

"Okay with what?"

She pulled her lip between her teeth before she looked up at you, like she was staring into the sun.

"With letting you go."

Your face softened, enough that she noticed. But Sydney also quickly noticed that it was a look of pity. That stung enough to make tears well on her waterline.

Pulling your jacket over your shoulders, you began to shuffle out of the booth. "I'll settle the tab and then I'll drive you home."

Sydney had never felt more like a tall child.

The lights of Chicago blurred past her eyes as you weaved through the streets. It wasn't lost on Sydney that you drove with one hand, the one closest to her was free and resting on your thigh.

She wanted nothing more than to reach over and hold onto it, maybe move it to her own thigh. As if you could read her mind, she caught the way your eyes flickered over to hers.

Slowly but surely, you lifted your free hand but instead brought it to the dial on the radio. As you turned it, she could hear the music in the car consuming her.

'And when I'm back in Chicago I feel it...'

She expected you to pull your hand back to your own leg but instead you reached over the gap of the centre console. Your hand brushed against hers as you took hold of it, squeezing it once and leaving the weight of it in hers.

Sydney knew that she had her chance, so she simply squeezed back and wrapped her other hand around yours with it. She held you tightly, like you were precious. Because you were.

She rested your hands in her lap, leaving them there against the soft fabric of her trousers as you continued you navigate the streets with one hand. When you pulled up outside her house, Sydney physically felt herself deflate.

Not only did you have to draw your hand back to kill the ignition, you'd reached the destination. It was up to her now to pull herself from the warm hold of your car and retreat to her room alone.

She weighed up the level of damage involved with throwing all caution to the wind right now. She figured she could just turn to you and let it out. Sydney could do something for herself for once.

As she balled up the courage in her chest, she didn't realise how long you'd both been sitting in silence until you finally spoke.

"Are you going to invite me up?"

-

And then Carmy loses his rag when he's locked in the chiller.

He laments about his failures, how much Claire had blinded him. He'd thrown your name in the mix, he'd apologised (for whatever reason) and decided his great epiphany.

If he'd never left you then none of this would've happened.

You weren't sure if he meant locking himself in the chiller or just everything in general. You weren't even in the kitchen at the time, this was all secondhand from Richie.

At the time Carmy was bearing his heart and soul to you, you were out the back of the restaurant holding back Sydney's braids as she emptied the contents of her stomach.

"I'm so sorry, this is so gross-"

"Don't apologise to me, how long has this been going on?"

The sound of the door screeching open tore your attention back over your shoulder.

"You really need to get in here- oh, what the fuck?"

"Richie, shut the fuck up. Can you get us some water?"

He grimaced a little at the sight in front of him but you pushed him with a flash of anger across your face. Yes, it was gross, but there weren't that many parts of Sydney you weren't fond of.

Even the ones that weren't pretty.

By the time Richie had come out with the water glass, he'd pressed even further how much you needed to get back into that kitchen. You knew it must've been bad if he wasn't even willing to tell you the details.

When you saw Claire by the chiller, you were moments away from asking for an explanation. You swallowed the words quickly as her face lit up in a hot rage, wet with tears. Before you could even think, she was turning on her heel to march out of the kitchen and back through the dining room.

What the actual fuck was happening?

It was a messy wee thing for you all to deal with, but deal with it you did. Sure, there was irreparable damage between Claire and Carmy (and you, by association), but the kitchen was stronger than ever.

And Sydney was happy again, back to having Carmy's attention and support at work. You saw the way she moved, her shoulders free of tension as she worked at her station. You just liked seeing her happy.

Sydney was happy, she was very pleased to be rid of the distraction that was forcing the kitchen apart. However, there was a gnawing little pit of jealousy that lived in her stomach and threatened to force its way out.

With Claire gone, there was nothing keeping you and Carmy apart.

She'd had you once, one perfect night. You'd been splayed out in the centre of her bed, her name falling off your lips as she settled in between your legs. She'd had a taste of you, and you weren't something she could just be okay with letting go of.

You were built from perfection.

So she waited, she waited for the other shoe to drop. There is always another shoe. Sure enough, no matter how hard Sydney tried to hide from it, it inevitably found her.

You and Carmy had arrived in the morning, same time, already laughing about something as you came through the door. That's all she needed, that feeling in her stomach expanded until she could barely breathe.

She caught the way Tina smiled at you both, a knowing smile. That cemented it for Sydney, if Tina had noticed it too, there was no doubt that it was unfolding in front of her and there wasn't a damn thing she could do to stop it.

And why should she stop it? You were happy! So was Carmy! And he was back to being fully present in the kitchen just like she wanted. But she'd be damned if she could get the thoughts of him touching you out of her head.

Touching you like she wanted to do. Like she'd done once, so fucking well.

Sydney wondered if Carmy really cared when he touched you? From the moment she held you she knew she wanted nobody else to do it, not the way she had. And now knowing that she had to share you? She felt like her head was going to spin right off.

She wondered what'd happen, when you finally told Carmy about what happened between the two of you. If you even would tell him. Did it mean as much to you as it did to her? Did it cross your mind every night like it did hers? Did you touch yourself as you lay in bed, reminiscing over that night like she did?

Probably not, she decided. You probably had Carmy to touch you, to hold you, and that would be consuming your mind. Sydney figured herself out to be an afterthought, a fun night that was never meant to become anything else.

When everyone was shutting the kitchen down and you were walking towards her across the dining room, Sydney braced for the worst. Silently, you helped her with the place settings until you spoke up.

"I told Carmy about us, about you and I."

In some sick way, all Sydney could really focus on was the fact that, even in the smallest form, there was an 'us.'

Without lifting her head, she continued to work on the cutlery. "And what does he think?"

You snorted a quiet laugh through your nose, a sound that should not have made flowers bloom in Sydney's chest. She couldn't breathe.

"He was jealous, I don't think he liked the idea of someone touching me like he does."

Sydney couldn't stop herself before her mouth opened. "Wonder what that's like."

In her peripheral vision, she could see your whole body still. Slowly, she trailed her eyes up the length of your body until they fixed on your face. Wounded, you looked wounded.

A sicker part of Sydney liked the idea of you finally knowing how she felt.

"I am so sorry, I never meant-"

"No, it's fine-" She cut you off, standing up to full height and brushing her hands on the front of her chef's whites. "I should've never got so attached."

"Sydney, please let me-"

"It was always meant to be you and Carmy, and now it is. Anyways, isn't this what I wanted?"

As she begin to walk away, leaving you alone in the dining room, Sydney mulled the same question over in her head.

Isn't this what she wanted?

-

"I just feel fucking terrible."

Your hands splayed out against Carmy's chest, fine hairs under your fingertips and inky tattoo's muddling against your skin. He held you so tightly as you rolled your hips in his lap.

"Don't worry about it, baby." He responded, breath a little clipped as he fucked up into you. "She said it's what she wanted."

You rolled your eyes before your eyes rolled back, Carmy's cock hitting the exact spot you needed it to. "You didn't see the look on her face or hear the way she said it-"

"To be honest, sweetheart, I don't really want to be visualising Syd when I'm balls deep in you."

Snapping your gaze down to his, you realised pretty quickly that you shouldn't have. Carmy looked incredible, eyes blown out, sheen of sweat across his skin as he put all his energy into fucking you. Ignoring the pang it sent to your stomach, you used the leverage of his shoulders to bounce on him.

"I really fucked up, Carm. I knew how much she was into me and I was selfish about it."

You couldn't really be sure he was listening to you, with the way his hands were running up your front to tweak at your nipples. You tried not to give away what it was doing to you, but a few whimpers escaped your lips, regardless.

It wasn't lost on you the way the corner of Carmy's lip quirked up at that. He took his eyes off your body to fix on your own, fighting for your attention as he kept rolling your hips against his.

"Selfish? What were you missing me or something?"

Your eyes narrowed at him, hand leaving his shoulder to playfully smack his cheek. It immediately conjured a groan from deep within his chest, a sound that hit you right in the middle of your stomach and made your hips falter.

"You're bad, Carmen."

"Yeah?" He questioned you, hands gripping your hips to lift you slightly, increasing the pace of his own thrusts. "Well you're worse."

You wanted to argue with him, you had it on the tip of your tongue but the minute he started jackhammering his hips into you- it was gone in an instant.

"Missed me so fucking bad that you got into bed with Sydney. You laid back and let her put her mouth all over you, because you couldn't get what you wanted from me."

The words were crazy, he was speaking pure insanity but the way his cock hit deep inside you was enough to curb your arguing. The minute you tried to open your mouth, a pathetic moan slipped right off your tongue.

"Thaaaat's right," He cooed, goading you into more embarrassing little sounds. "You missed the way this felt so you had to go get it wherever you could."

It was a lot, it was nearly too much for you to handle. Right as you thought you were slipping, that he was going to win eternal bragging rights, you found your own again. Tensing tight, you made sure to choke Carmy's cock on his next thrust.

The man beneath you froze, eyes rolling back and hips stuttering as you clenched around him. Finding yourself, you pressed your hands back on his pecs as you bounced in his lap.

"Not quite, Carmen," His name dripping like silk off your tongue. "Sure, you might've decided to fuck off on me but it's not like I was hard up on options."

Carmy tried to respond, but it was his turn for the words to get lost in his throat. His hips bucked up into you, cock twitching at the feeling of you gripping him even tighter.

"Look at me," You ordered, his eyes shooting open to take in the sight of you above him. "Do you really think someone that looks like me, looks as good as I do right now would be hard up?"

You caught the slight shake of his head, the way his hands fixed back on your waist and pulled you down on him with every bounce. He was desperate, the way he speared you straight on his cock was sending shockwaves right through you but you fought to remain in control.

"I could've had anyone I wanted and I chose Sydney, because I've seen the way she looks at me."

You leaned down, lips up close to his ear as you spoke. This close, you could hear him whimpering for you, the heady sounds emanating from within him.

"I fucked Sydney because I needed someone to treat me the way I deserve. When she had her mouth on me, it felt like I was being worshipped."

Carmy squirmed under you, you'd been in this position enough times to know exactly what was going to happen. His lips fell open and the string of incoherent moans you'd know him for began sounding.

"And you know what, Carmen?"

You could hear him chanting quiet little sounds of 'what, tell me baby?' as you spurred him on.

"I think you both need to learn how to share."

A visual splashed across Carmy's mind. The sight of you, face down ass up. Your mouth between Sydney's spread legs as her head crushed into the pillow. Carmy's hands pulling your hips back onto his as he fucked you roughly from behind. The both of them sharing you.

All of a sudden, Carmy pulled you down into his lap and launched his hips up. His head tipped back, his mouth fell open as he came deep inside you. Your name was the only thing he remembered how to say as he shot several hot ropes of cum into you.

The sight of it was something to behold, your hand falling down to rub between your legs as you felt him finish in you. It was all enough to push you right over the edge, head dropping into the crook of his neck as you reached your own peak.

As you came down, you felt Carmy's hand rubbing soothing circles into your back. The blood rushing around your ears was dissipating and you could only just register he was speaking.

"Huh?" You asked quietly, lips gently pressing against the skin of his shoulder.

"You can have it," He repeated, fingernails gently scratching up your spine. "Whatever you want, you can have it."

-

Apologies were an uncomfortable beast. Carmy was coming to terms with them a little better, after a bit of self reflection. He figured they made him uncomfortable because they were necessary.

For you, you were feeling lucky that Sydney was the forgiving type. You’d fully expected her to ask you to go fuck yourself when you’d attempted your apologies. Nice enough, she’d been quick to forgive.

In her eyes, she just wanted whatever part of you she could get her hands on.

That was probably why she was here right now. Back in this bar with you, the bar that (as far as she was concerned) was the beginning of everything.

That’s why she was also astonishingly fine with Carmy being here too. She was even sitting shoulder to shoulder with him. It was then you noticed they were moving in sync, the way they both raised their glasses to their lips at the same time.

Your eyes flickered back and forth between the two, shitty music making up for the lack of conversation and dim light dancing across the both of them.

They looked good this way, this is how they were almost meant to look. Content? Beautiful?

Looking like everything you ever wanted.

So it was a natural course of events, when the three of you later burst through the door of Carmy’s bedroom. You stopped at the end of his bed, trapped between the two of them.

Carmy’s chest to your back, Sydney pressing firmly to your front. Trapped.

Trapped, but completely willing.

Hot, physically and theoretically. The heat that was radiating off the both of them was consuming you. Sydney's hands were desperately working up the front of your shirt, feeling across your chest to cover any stretch of skin that she could.

Carmy's hands were on the waist of your jeans, undoing the button and fly as he dove down the front of them. His strong, skilled fingers felt you through the thin barrier of your underwear.

Your head tipped back, resting on one of Carmy's shoulders. Sydney took her chance, bridging the gap and closing her lips on your throat. You could feel her sucking at the skin, teeth gently running along the column of your throat.

The unmistakable feeling of Carmy hardening against your ass was ever present in the back of your mind. As Sydney worked you up, Carmy was pushing your jeans down your thighs, pressing his cock further into the split of your ass.

His lips came to your left ear, you could feel the heat of his breath as he spoke. "You look so fucking good like this, feel so fucking good."

As his fingers began to breach the front of your underwear, it was Sydney that was making moves on your right ear. "Been dying to taste you again, once wasn't ever gonna' be enough."

Your hips bucked up into Carmy's hand as he stroked you slowly, Sydney's teeth gently gripping your earlobe. It was overwhelming, the bother of you whispering exactly what you needed to hear, working together.

They worked well together, one glimpse into the kitchen and you could tell they worked well together. But even now, the way they were touching you, talking to you- they were the perfect team.

"On the bed, sweetheart." Carmy spoke as he drew his hands from your underwear.

Sydney stepped aside to let you move, watching you kick off your jeans as you moved to the bed. She moved towards you briefly, helping you pull your shirt off over your head and throw it to the side.

As she moved back beside Carmy, you stared up at the both of them under half-lidded eyes. Carmy had stripped down to his underwear, a large hand gently palming his cock through his briefs. He moved to the end of the bed, gripping your ankle and pulling you towards him.

"Get down here, Syd." He ordered, as if they were running the pass.

She was quick to follow the order, kneeling down beside him with her hand wrapping around your other leg. They both pulled you in closer, Carmy taking the initiative to get rid of your underwear.

Sydney reached forward, her hand running up your stomach gently enough to leave goosebumps. "You're un-fucking-believable."

You laughed, just quietly, head rolling around on the mattress as they both stared at you like your next meal. Not waiting for another instruction, Sydney brought her mouth against your entrance and gave you one long lick.

Head tipping back, hips raising, your mouth flew open with a string of moans. Her tongue was unbelievable, moving across you quickly but not failing to miss a single spot.

You could feel the familiar prodding of Carmy's fingers, moving under Sydney's tongue so they could work together. Two of his thick fingers breached your entrance, curling up as Sydney's tongue kept up it's ministrations.

"That feel good, baby?" Carmy's voice snapped you back into reality. "Feel good when we share you?"

All you could do was nod, nod furiously as you rolled your hips down to feel more of their combined efforts. Your hand gently reached behind Sydney's head, pulling her in closer till you were effectively humping her face.

"Yeah, that's right- let her have it." Carmy cooed, his fingers still pumping into you whilst his other hand was pressed to his crotch.

Sydney only moaned, the vibrations hitting you straight on and sending a surge to the pit of your stomach. Carmy could feel the way you were clenching, being well versed with your body he knew exactly what was on the way.

So when you whined at the feeling of him withdrawing his fingers, he was quick to shut you up by man-handling you up the bed. "Hush, you're so fuckin' spoilt."

And you knew he was right, everything you wanted you always got it. That's why you were settled back against the pillows, watching him strip off his boxers whilst Sydney's shirt was being discarded.

You quietly slipped a hand between your legs, gathering the wetness from Sydney's spit to rub yourself. Your eyes fluttered, head tipping back into the plush bed as you watched Sydney reveal more skin to you.

"Baby can't even wait a fuckin' minute?" Carmy questioned, kneeling on the bed to grip your hips.

In a swift motion, he flipped you over. Still holding your hips, he pulled them up until you were face down with your back arched. He could always get you exactly how he wanted you.

Sydney came around the bed, sitting in front you with her hand coming to cup your jaw. "You deserve everything you want."

As she cooed at you, she leaned in just enough to press her lips against yours. You could hear the sigh from Carmy, no doubt rolling his eyes as Sydney quickly gave into you.

Sydney knew your games just as well as he did. Difference was, she didn't mind. She'd feed into you for as long as you let her.

Your mouth dropped and a moan slipped onto Sydney's tongue as you felt the head of Carmy's cock pressing against your entrance. As he eased into you, your eyes began to roll back, hands shooting out to grip Sydney's thighs.

"Want- ah fuck- want to taste you." Your voice sounded breathy and desperate.

Sydney eased herself back, legs spreading around you as you hungrily dove to get your tongue on her. Without wasting a second, you ran your tongue from her entrance to her clit and listened keenly for the sounds she made.

Looking up from under your tired eyes, you saw the blissed expression on her face. Both your arms hooked around her thighs, lips closing around her clit to suck gently.

Carmy fully sunk himself into you, giving you a second to adjust to the stretch. Soon, he was rolling his hips in a steady rhythm that was sending you even closer to Sydney's cunt.

You felt a large hand splay across your lower back, Carmy soothing you as he began to speed up. He fucked you hard, watching the way you clenched around his cock and moved your head quicker between Sydney's legs.

This is what he'd imagined, this was exactly what he'd thought of that night (and honestly, a couple of other times in the shower before work). This was a sight he could get used to.

Carmy wasn't all too keen on sharing you, he had an underlying penchant for jealousy when it came to you. But as he watched Sydney cup a hand around the back of your head, as he heard you moan directly into her core, as he watched you fuck yourself back onto him.

He figured this was definitely worth a little hit of jealousy.

Sydney's hips rolled up to meet your mouth, her backside lifting off the bed as she pulled you down against her. Quiet little whimpers of your name were drifting perfectly off her lips. Her eyes were switching between fluttering shut and fixing dreamily on you.

You could feel the hint of your release working it's way up your body. Strengthening your grip on Sydney's thighs, you pulled her in tight so you could suck at her clit, listening for what it did to her.

"Holy- fuck- oh God- I'm gonna' cum-"

Looking up at her, you found her eyes on yours. Drawing back just a little, you laid your tongue flat against her before running it up, flicking the tip of it against her clit and watching her eyes screw shut.

Sydney rode your face through her orgasm, the feeling running red hot through you. You could hear the faint sounds of Carmy talking you through it. "That's it, make her cum- you're doing so good."

His words were too much, coupled with the taste of Sydney on your tongue and the feeling of her gripping tight onto you. Your hips began to roll back against Carmy, desperately searching for the relief you needed.

Feeling his hand wrap underneath you, Carmy began stroking you towards your orgasm. His chest came to press against your back as he spoke in your ear. "Come on, baby- that's it- cum for us."

Eyes going a blinding white, you felt yourself collapsing into Sydney's lap as your orgasm overtook you. Gripping tight around Carmy, you threw your hips back against him as he pressed himself flush to you.

You felt him twitch inside you, a string of curses leaving his lips as he came for you. You felt his hot cum hitting deep inside of you, leaving you feeling completely full. All you had left to do was fall, splayed out, in the centre of the bed, totally fucked out.

Carmy was the one that cleaned you up, but it was Sydney that brought you the glass of water and tucked you up. You felt her soft kisses against your forehead and by the time you opened your eyes, you could see she was already fully dressed.

You reached out for her, grasping her hand gently before mumbling something about "we should do this again."

Faint sounds of her laughing about that with Carmy caught your ears, but the sleep was taking over too much for you to be able to understand the joke.

When Carmy joined you in bed, wrapping you up in his arms and pulling you close to him, you managed one more mumble before you finally crashed out.

"You guys work really, really, well together."

[yannaryartside]

I am glad Ayo got to write an episode of s4 (that she will be directing as well), and I am pretty sure is gonna be the long waited and definitely overdue Sydney centric episode, and I am so fucking happy we are getting it

But it makes me wonder

Did Storer actually had a plan for Sydney’s character? Like, on his own? I know that sound harsh, and I know he doesn’t write normally, but idk, it’s been 3 seasons and the supposed second lead actor presence in the narrative appears and disappears.

Maybe he did have a plan, maybe he is coaching Ayo on the characters wounds and general direction, and letting her write Sydney’s lines to her understanding of the character.

It’s just, sometimes I got the feeling that the only elements of lore that we get from characters are the ones that serve as foil in Carmy’s character arc. Maybe storer made the elements of the story that were there to make clear how Sydney and carmy are sides of the same coin, and why she is the better partner.

Most of elements of lore in Sydney’s past seem to be entirely design in order for her to be a good partner/mirror to Carmen. She lost her mother at likely the same age Carmy lost his father. She has a non drinking dad to Carmy’s alcoholic mother. She has trauma over a past relationship (the heart tattoo) that is likely gonna be parallel to her romantic issues with Carmen. She had a failed business that motivates her to not make the the bear fail….

Maybe is the post s3 chill, but last season really gave me the feeling they were wasting time also on Sydney’s lore. The narrative itself seemed to push her aside, the more quiet she got, maybe it was intentional.

So idk, I hope he did have a plan for this character on his own, since it seems in the original script Sydney and Nat were kind of the same character, a sisterly figure, and then change his mind to give a Carmy another love interest

It’s funny because the bear is based on storers life Wich means Syd is based on storers wife. I really would think he would already have this character an arc/motivation/lore outside of her career and basic personal dynamics

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Sydney's search for connection.

The more I rewatch The Bear I can't tell if I'm overthinking or if this show is so layered it's near perfection.

I love the themes of mothers, nourishment, generational trauma, loss, showing up for people, caring for people, mental health. I could carry on...

But I love this small moment in 2x03 Sundae and its theme surrounding mothers, loss, and needing others. We're told that Syd wants to make up for a failed business throughout the show but beneath that is another longing.

This scene tells me about Syd's need for connection. But being with people requires vulnerability which is one of Syd's struggles.

Based on what the show tells us, Syd doesn't have the best experience being vulnerable with others. There are always awkward but funny moments when Syd connects with people.

Since she's experienced loss at such a young age, it's almost foreign to her to sympathize, not that she can't sympathize she just doesn't express it properly. The first moment in 1x02 when she awkwardly apologizes to Richie about Mikey's death. The second moment in 2x02 Pasta is when she says to Marcus, "It was just a hat?"

A third moment dismisses Carmy's empathy for her mother's passing. Syd's lesson is that being surrounded by people is sharing a loss together. I'm sure in season 3 with Marcus' mom's passing, this is her chance to be there for someone.

We won't always have the most rewarding experience with people but we have to keep trying.

We can't blame Syd for such awkwardness. She's an only child and alone is a safety net. The opposite of having a psychopath behind her yelling, pushing, screaming...

But the safety of being alone fails and she's back to working with people again. This time she works for Carmy. It's a risk but she has ambition and urgency. To erase a past failure. To change the pattern. Because being surrounded by people can make her successful- it fills a void.

What I love about Sydney is that there's more of an awareness. She's aware she has to change a pattern, and be part of a team. Sydney tells her dad in 2x02 that she's at a different place, not alone, in his house. She has a partner. Sydney has a chance to be vulnerable with Carmy and, despite its challenges, she is willing to do so.

But like Carmy, her mental health isn't the best. As the show progresses and what 2x10 gave us I hope we dive deeper into Sydney's head.

[chefkids]

I don’t know how true this is but has the timeline in the bear changed? It feels like they messed it up a bit. I know the ages are a bit up in the air but the timeline of events seems to have shifted. Especially the timeline of Carmys culinary history and Mikey’s death.

These people don't know how to read a calendar.

I don't know what's going on in that writers room but they really should have set up a basic timeline of events like Mikey's death, Syd and Carmy's work history, when people joined The Beef, and when major events happen ie Fishes, cause they keep messing up or contradicting themselves.

In Fishes they say it 256 weeks from opening but that would make it July 5 2018, not Christmas. It would have to take place at least in December 2015 based on Tiffs 1989 t-shirt, so that would mean if it takes place December 24 2018 then opening day would be in November 20 2023, not June 1 2023 like it is in the show. Who knows if that was an actual mistake or hinting at Sydney's new restaurant or something.

Then Tina was hinted at joining The Beef since Sydney was a baby and knowing Carmy for ages, but then in Napkins she joined in 2018. But we saw that Carmy was already in Copenhagen at that time so he would have barely ever met Tina. That honestly seems like a weird mistake they did or just didn't want to bother trying to change things to fit an earlier time period.

Then when Carmy was making Sydney's dish in New York she had said she was at CIA or just finished. But then we see him get the call his brother died during that time. But Sydney was already running Sheridan Road Catering when Mikey died.

I just think for a show that focuses so much on details, they really fuck up some key details that shouldn't really be that hard to keep track of.

[ciaomarie]

Part 6: What Then?

It's over kids! The longest and final chapter is done. Chris Storer & Co. are probably going to put our beloveds through it in S3, but until then let's enjoy our low-key angst and romance. Post Season 2, Canon-Compliant, swoony, girly, fluffy. A happy-ending obviously.

After 10 years of grinding himself into dust Carm’s body began to surrender. About a month after The Bear’s opening, he came down with a cold that turned into a low-grade fever, a bitter cough with lime green mucus, night sweats, and mind-numbing exhaustion. After two days Sydney and Fak showed up to his apartment and dragged him to the emergency room. It was pneumonia and dehydration. The young male doctor muttered that his lungs sounded just like his father’s, a 40-year smoker. Yes, pneumonia was the primary reason, but a man Carmy’s age should be in better shape. He was out of commission for a whole week. The regret of letting down The Bear crew so soon after the Friends and Family fiasco motivated him to make a couple changes. First, he allowed himself only one emergency cigarette a day, which he needed less and less. Second, he went outside on Mondays, when the restaurant was closed. If the temperature was over 30℉, he took the train or walked to a park. His favorites were Humboldt and the Garfield Park Conservatory. Today he had come to the latter with his sketchbook and pencils in his backpack. Since the renovation he had continued drawing.

As he went towards to his favorite bench, he noticed a slender woman walking ahead of him. Her height, long swishing braids and jacket were identical to Syd’s. He compulsively began jogging towards her. Before he could call out her name, the woman pounced on a tall lanky man in front of her, wrapping her arms around his waist. Carmen had the sensation of being pushed off a diving board unexpectedly, his stomach pitching forward, unable to breathe much less scream before slamming into the water like a brick. The man turned and picked up Sydney up, planting a kiss on her mouth. He spun her around and…she wasn’t Syd. Thank God.

Carm made his way to the bench and hunched over, his head in his hands. She wasn’t Syd he recanted over and over until the feeling of relief gave way to self-reproach. This time it wasn’t her, but one day it would be. Would he be able to live with that? Uncle Jimmy’s warning not to be an overthinking manichino flashed in his mind. It was time to do something. He took out his sketchpad and began thumbing through it, an idea beginning to take shape. Hopefully, it wouldn’t scare Syd away.

The following Monday Sydney was in her cousin’s salon getting her entire life. Her microbraids were taken out, her hair was washed, deep conditioned, her scalp massaged, and now she was getting box braids put in. They were accented with delicate gold hair cuffs. She drowsed in the chair, with an almost empty to-go container of jollof rice in her lap, as her cousin and another hair stylist quietly discussed the latest season of Love is Blind.

“Sydney babe, would you ever go on Love is Blind?” her cousin, Ashley, asked in a louder tone.

Syd startled and rubbed her eyes.

“Never. That’s insane.”

“I got a message on IG that it’s coming to Chicago. You live and breathe your job so when are you going to meet somebody? Maybe your soulmate is in one of those pods!”

“Why don’t you apply then? You could find “love” and get more exposure for the salon.”

“Same for you and your restaurant ma’am, but I have a man.”

“Since when?”

“Since three months ago. His name is David, he’s a chemical engineer and the son of you know, Ms. Jumoke, she goes to the African church on Mackinaw…St. Paul.”

“Yeah, I remember her. Her sister used to watch me when my dad worked nights.”

“Anyways, back to you. Are you dating anyone, or should I send you the show application?”

“I don’t think love is blind. Have you seen the people they cast? Nobody too unfortunate-looking gets on. It’s so shallow.”

 “Ha! You’re one to talk. You have a very distinct type…white boys with tats and muscles.”

“Ashley, there’s been two of them. Like, that’s not a pattern.”

“No, three! This boss, no “partner”, of yours, had Sydney written over him. The family never sees you anymore.”

“I came to lunch at uncle and auntie’s last month! Besides, opening a new business is like having a kid. You know this.”

“Sure, but when I had dinner at your restaurant and you introduced us, he complimented you for five minutes and then followed you to the kitchen like a whipped puppy.”

Sydney grinned biting her lower lip and covered her eyes. Her cousin stopped braiding and hugged her.

“Aww…my baby cousin is finally going to get some!”

“ASHLEY!” Sydney groaned pushing off her cousin’s arms.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop, but I am happy for you. He is sexy. That neck is thicker than a tree stump.”

Sydney who had just taken a sip of her sweet tea, spat it out all over the mirror.

“That’s on you, Ashley!” she choked out between laughing and coughing.

When she was able to contain herself, she tried to reel her cousin back in. Talking about romantic potential with Carmy gave her too much pleasure. If he was content with the status quo she didn’t want to get her hopes up.

“Nothing really is going on. We’re business partners and we’re pretty good friends and it’s probably best we keep it that way.”

“Yes, and he gave you an equal share in the restaurant out of the friendly kindness of his heart.”

“You know, I think he would do that, because I’ve put in so much work, but it did feel like it was something more, at least his Uncle Cicero or Jimmy seemed to think so.”

“Girl, watch out. His sister and an uncle like you!? Would you take his last name, hyphenate, or keep Adamu?”

“Ugh, I’m not going there with you! Shouldn’t you be done with my hair by now?”

“If you want it done right it’ll be 2 more hours. If you don’t…30 minutes?”

“Fine, take your time but please let me sleep.”

Sydney closed her eyes, admiring her self-control. She hadn’t told Ashley that Carmy asked her to come by The Bear this evening. He was reworking a few old dishes. The invite was made at the end of the night a few days ago while they were turning off the lights. She said yes as they pulled down the last switch and she couldn’t see his expression, but she heard him exhale loudly as if he feared she’d decline. Sometimes they meet up on Mondays to network with vendors or collaborate on menu ideas, so this wasn’t out of the ordinary. However, she intuited he was hiding something again like when he and Nat surprised her with a share in the restaurant. This time she didn’t pester him for details, knowing that it was probably worth waiting for.

When Syd arrived home at 3:00 pm she could’ve folded laundry and watched an episode of Psych, but she decided to pretend this was a date; well, like she was preparing for a date. It was a long time since her last. She had entered the Convent of Failed Dreams after Sheridan. Then The Beef/The Bear became her world. The light blue cuffed jeans and stripped white and mint green button-down shirt she was wearing was more than appropriate for a food brainstorming session. However, Carmy’s mysterious attitude might be concealing more great news. She might as well look good when and if he had some.

She took a luxuriously long shower, shaved, and rubbed in her mandarin-scented body oil. Then she entered slowly sifted through her closet considering a red jumpsuit, or just nicer jeans and a blouse when her eyes fell on her marigold-colored shirt dress. It was knee length, comfortable, but chic and the color made her complexion pop. She paired it with a brown and gold oval buckle belt and brown flats because she might be standing in the kitchen for hours. After a short struggle she decided to keep the top two buttons of her shirt dress open. It was only a collar bone, not cleavage. Then she considered makeup. She hated wearing a lot of it; her skin felt suffocated with foundation. She did her brows, applied mascara, a little mineral powder, a smidge of highlighter on her cheekbones, and finished with the Fenty “Hot Choclit” gloss bomb her cousin had given her as part of a set for Christmas. Her new braids with the gold cuffs made the look even better and Sydney couldn’t help admiring herself more than usual in her floor-length mirror. She felt so delicious that she ordered an Uber rather than sit on the train. She would take it later or maybe Carm would give her a ride home.

Just before she could lock the door Emmanuel came up the stairwell, his face lighting up.

“My baby girl, you are stunning! Where are you headed?”

“Thanks, daddy. I’m just going to the restaurant. Felt like dressing up for once.”

“So, is it a staff meeting?”

“No, just working on some recipes. I gotta go. My Uber’s waiting.”

Emmanuel leaned against the door and nodded with a sly smile.

“Oh okay, I see. Tell Carmen I said hello. Have fun!”

Sydney’s eyes widened and she ran down the stairs waving goodbye. Her voice couldn’t be trusted.

When the car arrived at the restaurant, the sky was overcast, the evening darker than usual for the time of year. She let herself in and observed the layout. The lights were low, and the back center booth was set for dinner, with a single table candlelit. She could see Carmy in the kitchen already sautéing something. She was headed towards him when he looked up, seeing her through the window and rushed to meet her in the front.

“Syd don’t-” he began before he was immobilized by the vision before him.

Sydney was similarly taken with him and marveled at how often they were of the same mind. Carm was wearing a crisp button-down blue shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows, the shirt tucked into dark navy pants, and he had gotten a haircut. Somehow it made his eyes stand out more. The sides were moderately tapered, his hair on top remained almost as long as before, and one of his rogue curls was damp against his forehead. He was perspiring, apparently having been cooking for a while.

“Nice haircut”, “You look amazing” they began at the same time and laughed nervously.

Carmy started again, beating his trusty spoon against his palm.

“So, the food is almost done. Just have a seat over there and I’ll be right out.”

Sydney nodded, a little confused and excited for this change of plans. She sat in the booth and noticed the speakers were playing The Teskey Brothers’ “Take My Heart.” She leaned back and closed her eyes letting the lyrics wash over her, her emotions stirring with that sweet ache.

“Take the time to notice what you really need, 

You’ll find it’s a little more simple, than what you thought before,

But I can say for certain that I’ve got more than I ever had before,

By remembering the little things that make my heart warm.

So take my heart and cut it into two,

After all the only thing missing from me was you,

You’re all I want, you’re all I need, you’re the air I breathe,

Cause after all the only thing missing from me was you.”

“Hey, are you good?” Carmy asked  approaching the booth with their plates.

Sydney sat up and cleared her throat.

“Yes, I’m good. I really like that song. Reminds me of-“

 “Otis Redding?”

“Yeah.”

Carm carefully placed the plates on the table.

“Well, speaking of throwbacks, I made-”

“Pork confit with onions and rhubarb!”

 “Yes, and after we’ll have Milk and Honey.

Sydney bit the inside of her mouth trying to absorb what seemed to be happening.  Carm muttered something about getting their drinks and went to the bar for their club sodas. Sydney remained mute, not knowing if she should ask him what this meant now or let it play out. “Don’t get ahead of yourself”, she admonished her heart.

He returned to the booth with their drinks and encouraged her to start, rubbing his chin as she put the first bite in her mouth.

“That’s it Carmy. Maybe even better than the first time,” Syd purred the pork melting on her tongue and some of her anxiety with it.

He blushed and began eating too.

“It is pretty good. Eleven Madison Park taught me a lot.”

The meal was mostly silent except for the occasional ejaculation over some element of the dish. Carmy couldn’t help gazing at Syd, taking in each detail, and rejoicing in the whole. The dip above her collar bone that rose and fell whenever she swallowed, made his head swim. Her lovely face was absolutely regal framed by her new box braids. Syd’s brown skin glowed in the candlelight and a heavenly citrus scent emanated from her. Whenever her eyes caught his obvious staring, he was too filled with gratitude to look away. Sydney’s eyes were soft and filled with kindness for this dear, lovestruck man. He looked helpless. In moments like this she remembered her capacity to build or obliterate him at will.  “Go with the flow” she reminded herself.

After they finished the main, Carmy took their plates and returned, with dessert, Milk and Honey. Syd lit up at the sight and when she tried it a wave of surprise flitted across her face.

"Is that mango? I didn't taste it at first, but then it like...bloomed at the back. Wow!"

"I thought it could use a Sydney twist. You always grab the mango lollipops off Sug's desk."

She resumed eating her dessert. Carm noticed everything about her. She'd played the Teskey Brothers, once or twice while they cleaned after a service, comparing them to Otis.

The Milk and Honey was devoured too soon and just as she wondered what else was on the agenda, Carmy took their bowls and returned with a package tied with twine. He set it in front of her, hands trembling, and sat a little further away than before. Syd perceiving his anxiety didn't raise any questions. She untied the string, removed the wrapping paper, revealing a red leather hand-bound notebook. The cover was engraved with her initials. On the first page was one of Carmy's drawings. It was a curbside view of The Bear. Several lined pages followed, then a drawing of the grapes in bone marrow broth. This alternating of lined pages and his pictures continued throughout the thick notebook. There were more pictures of their recipes, the various designs of her head scarves, and some were of her in different attitudes. In one she was leading expo with the confidence of Napoleon, and another was a portrait, her chin leaning on her hand, with a faraway expression in her large brown eyes. There were several others, so perceptive that Sydney felt naked. Adored. The final picture was surreal. It was a profile of Carmy's head the entirety of which was filled with Sydney wearing a hopeful smile and the scarf and shirt she'd worn her first day at The Beef.

She couldn't stop looking at it, her index finger tracing the lines.

"Sy-d" Carmen croaked his voice thick.

Breaking.

She looked up to find red-brimmed blue eyes searching hers.

"Come here" she breathed and no sooner than she blinked he was at her side.

"Syd" he tried again. Hyperventilating.

"Say more", she gently commanded smoothing his hair back before taking his hand in her lap.

This disarmed him, and he grinned in surprise. That was his line.

"Okay."

Breathe

"I want you Syd. I want to be with you.”

Breathe

“I want to do everything with you or not at all."

Then for the first time he wanted to say the words that had been a weapon for most of his life. They either were forced on him or yanked from him. His mother thought those words meant meekly submitting to her abuse. For Mikey it was cutting him off, so he wasn't exposed to his self-destruction. He never got to say it all. Claire believed it was part of a script. If he would only play his role and ignore who they were underneath, those words would become true enough.

Now, he had a new idea about those words, and they were wrapped up in this beautiful, talented, funny, tender, generous, stubborn, loyal, woman. His friend.

Suddenly they didn't hurt. He continued leaning to rest his forehead on hers.

"I love you."

Sydney blinked slowly as if in a trance, tears dropping to their joined hands.

Carm didn't move, but his face was filled with concern.

'Syd, are you-" he started to ask. Then he was spinning.

Sydney kissed him.

His neurons habitually used to process grief, anxiety, and small doses of happiness, trembled with the unusual amount of joy coursing through him.

Sydney was delirious. Her only thought was, he loves me.

Carmy couldn't close his eyes. The curve of her soft cheek so near his made him want to cry.

Then he did, for Sydney said,

"I love you, too."

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Facts/Math

I've been hearing so much noise lately around ages that I figured I could maybe offer my help.

Here's my reasoning:

Syd's age:

Her resume has the unequivocal answer and it has been in plain sight since 01x01. She worked at Alinea the year before she joined The Beef. Assuming she graduated HS at 17 and knowing that CIA is a 4 to 5-year deal, we need to do basic math here to figure out her age: 17 + 6 = 23/4. Let's give it a 1 year-ish error margin. Even rounding it up, she couldn't have been older than 25 y.o. when she started working for Carmy in S1 (2022).

Carmy's age:

We know for a fact that Carmy's age in S2 was the same as Claire's because they were classmates and when Carmy gave her the wrong number she was in her last year of residency:

So that makes her 29-ish in S2 (2023) -again, if she graduated HS at 17, that is. Or even older, but not much, let's say 30... Thus same for Carmy.

So in S1, when Carmy and Syd met, he was 4 years her senior, approximately. Give or take 1 year. In S3 they both still have the same age, because it's still set in 2023.

Can we all agree that the issue is settled now and move on pls?

PS: IK the original Pilot script said something else and Syd was older than Carmy yatta, yatta, yatta... Actually, it doesn't matter because from the page to the screen the director (in this case Storer himself) can take creative liberties that give them total leisure to change the script, as long as the EP approves and since we're talking about the same person, I don't see how that could have been a problem. What counts is what's canon.

Summing up: We are talking about a 30 to 31-year-old Chef who reached the "most excellent CDC of the most excellent restaurant of the USA" status before the age of 30 and his mirror business partner who is clearly following his same footsteps, and I don't mean this as mentor/mentee, I mean this literally because Syd's gonna be the most excellent CDC, JB award winner, Michelin Star winner (not retainer) under the age of 30, by his side, so in a sense she will 100% smoke him. And he will love it.

It's a love story. And every second counts.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[afrofairysblog]

I know it's been a week but I haven't forgotten @spywhitney ( check out her blog it's great Mwah)

Here are my thoughts on all of the The Bear ships (both canon and non canon)

SYDCARMY: They honestly have a special place in my heart( one of if not the main reason I downloaded this app) and I was not ready for the chockhold it was going to have in my life but here I am 🤷🏿‍♀️. I first saw them in an out of context clip while watching a YouTube video ( ot was when Carmy asked Sydney to say yes chef in S1) and i was like oooo they intrigue me and ngl when I finally did watch the show I thought it was just gonna be platonic. However when I saw that last shoot in the S1 finale I was like OOOOO this is a slow burn and then I got to Ao3 and it was history ( as you can tell with my page I have been fighting to the nail with this ship lol).

SYDRICHIE: ngl.... I have a soft spot for this ship 👀 what can I say I love a good enemies to lovers or enemies to friends pipeline 🤷🏿‍♀️. I think it's because they have good banter and they are pretty funny together where I can see but I am so far gone with the Sydcarmy Army that I can't fully commit to this. Also the age gap, lowkey micoraggresstions Richie was throwing at her in S1( he did change so I'll give him that and me not seeing Sydney being a StepMom are so factors too. Regardless, they are my Top 3 Bro-Otps on the show cause I love their friendship and shootout to the Sydrichie girlies tho.

SYDMARCUS: sign... in another life I would have been a full time sydmarcus girlie cause I've had a had a ✨️ Ooooo are they gonna start something ✨️ moment with them but then I saw Sydcarmy and that I was like yeahhhhh Sorry Marcus . I just feel like they are better off as brother and sister you know what I'm saying. Plus there are a few people that only ship them because they are the only two prominent black characters that are around the same age. Nevertheless, they are also apart of my Top 3 Bro- Otps on the show!!

SYDLUCA: They're cute 🤷🏿‍♀️. Like ngl, I can see the appeal, but not for a long-term relationship, you know what I'm saying. Like it's giving plot device ship so Sydney can get her Stella got her Grove Back moment ( not that I don't mind that cause honestly she needs it and it'll be good to get a different perspective and a jealous plotline)but Luca is a supporting guest star and not a main so even if we do get the relationship it's not gonna be fully fleshed out ( and they always do this with black female characters). Also we know what this can develop for Sydney but we don't know how this can develop for Luca( not to say that Luca has no reason to not like Syd cause who are we kidding she's a catch but still" . Sydluca girlies are cool so shootout to yall too

CLAIRMY: Yall already know how I feel about them, THEY NEED TO JUST END IT !!!! Like idk why this ship brings out the hater in me but it just does ( it's mostly field by the metas I read which give a more perspective about the relationship and how weird it is). Like at first when I watched S2, I mostly just didn't ship them cause I thought they looked related and were boring. However, rewatching I, both of them don't let themselves be authentic with each other, it's like they try to be this witty Wes Anderson ahh type of couple where the manie pixie dream girl falls for the shy wonder bread art boy who just needs to find he's way with the power of love and unnerving eye contact ( see they truly bring the hater in me)which just don't work both character wise and for the show( ot derailed the show a bit. It'll be better if they are not together before they get even more Toxic.

CHEF FIELDS X CARMY: JAIL!!! Idc JAIL!!!!!!

MICHEAL X CARMY: ......To each there own but JAIL just JAIL

CARMY X RICHIE: I don't personally ship it cause they are very cousin coded to me but they're dynamic is really fascinating to me cause it's like a I hate you , I love you but your the only person I have in my life but why does it have to be you sorta vibe.

NATALIE X PETE: They are the Absolute cutest and underrated ngl. They show a depiction of a healthy relationship on the show that pretty refreshing to see like I love them.

MARCUS X LUCA: This is a sleeper hit ,I'm telling yall like they are cute!!!! They have such an ease and calming vibe when they interactive it gives so much warmth. I just feel like they would be a lowkey type of couple, and idk if the show will commit to the ship or even hint at it, but if they do, it has an audience 🤧

RICHIE X TIFFANY: They got some cute moments but I'm glad they are just friends. I feel like both of them needed to grow separately and not be together romantically.

RICHIE X JESS: Ngl, I don't really care about them but they're moments are really wholesome and I like there banter. I ship it 🙂‍↕️💅🏿. Also can reddit not make it weird with this couple like we get Jess is a good woman ( I like her) but let's not make it weird oof.

RICHIE X MICHEAL: Tbh o see the appeal, but damn if they ever were a couple, it just makes it more tragic .

TINA X HER HUSBAND: Once again they are the Absolute cutest and I lo e how they are married in real life!!!

SYDCARMRICHIE: Unpopular opinion ig, I really like this ship like they are the big three for a reason. Plus, I feel like when I come to stories involving this ship( kinda underrated), they bring the best of both worlds ( or worse if you wanna get messy with the story with both respective ships.

Well that's it for me guts, let me know ow your thoughts. This was fun and one of my longest post lol.

Also, wow, Sydney is in a lot of these ships lol

[brujeria-histeria]

Idk if anyone saw the tik tok discourse on the sydcarmy ages(imma be fr I ain't look in the tag either) but the pilot episode as had Tina as a man named tito and Richie as 40 when he says he's 45 in the show so OBVIOUSLY stuff had changed from the pilot script because MOST SHOWS DO. You cannot look me dead in the eyes and tell me Syd reads older than Carmy. On top of all of that that's not a good reason for them to not date ???

[noangeleither]

think i finally figured out sydney’s age using real evidence and not just vibes and voices in my head. and it’s crazy bc i guessed sydney was 26/27. and I wasn’t that far.

Sydney earned her culinary arts degree at CIA located in upstate NY. Apparently, it takes less than two years to earn that degree. Assuming she graduated high school at 17/18, this would put her at about 19/20 when she graduates and also when she goes to NYC for a food tour.

i got to this conclusion trying to make a timeline for carmys career (which made my head hurt). We know Carmy is 28-30 bc he’s the same age as claire a doctor who’s in her residency and that’s usually the age at which you start. I was confused about how long he spent at EMP. Fishes takes place about five years before s2 , and carmy is said to be in Copenhagen working at NOMA, putting him at 24/25 in this episode.

His cousin Michelle offered for him to come to NYC. So assuming he made the change in the following year that would mean he was at EMP for about 4 years until he has to go back to chicago after his brother dies.

I still dont know where the french laundry or any other of the places or cities carmy has worked at fit into this timeline. I know he leaves his house after high school and doesn't go to college or culinary school i believe so I wonder how he got his start, to be featured in food and wine at 21 and also work at the best restaurant in the world by the time he's 24....insane. i hope we get a clearer picture in upcoming seasons.

back to syd....

So we know about 4/5 years before the start of the story, Sydney and Carmy are in NYC. Sydney is 19/20 and Carmy is 24/25. They have about a 5 year age gap. Therefore Sydney currently is 24/25, possibly 26. And I only say 26 because i cant believe she worked at so many places (including Michelin star restaurants), drove for UPS (or was that when she was at school? after?), started a business, and then had that business fail all in the span of 4 years. crazy. my girl needs a hug

also makes me wonder how far removed she is from Sheridan Road? like when she applies to be a sous chef at the Beef was this something that happened a couple months before? a year?

all things will be clearer with future episodes i guess.

i just find their lives before they met extremly intresting and love how intertwined they are 5 years before they even laid eyes on one another. fated fr

i want a flashback episode of sydney herself but i also think a flashback episode of the day sydney went to EMP would be cool too. Like dual POV we see Carmy being miserable, Sydney becoming inspired. also would be cool if they really played into the fated aspect. have them cross paths without ever meeting. like have Carmy get on the subway the same time sydney leaves it to get off at a stop (SCREAM).

[foreverjustaplace]

The Bear, Season 3 PREDICTIONS

OKAY! So with The Bear premiering slightly earlier now, I wanted to go ahead and get my predictions (and maybe some delusional wishes) out on here because I just saw the still where Syd and Carmy are drinking tea after Carmy gets out of the fridge and I definitely had Syd being there when he got out of the walk-in. I never did get my fanfic out before the new season (although who knows. There’s still time!) so I hope I’ll still be in the headspace to finish it after I see the new episodes!

I would LOVE to see everyone’s predictions, too, so add them in the comments or create a post and tag me!

My Predictions:

Let’s start with Sydcarmy first. Oh, hell. This season is going to be one that drags us through all of the emotions. It’s already giving angst galore from all of the promos. A lot of us are worried about this ship, but I have to believe that while Storer may have not initially been on the sydcarmy train, we have a believer in Calo and loves love. We’ll be okay but it’s not going to always be pretty. We’re about to go through it, 100%, but I think the arduous emotional jouney will be worth it in the end (the end perhaps not being this season…). 

As mentioned, I predicted to myself that Syd would be waiting for Carmy when he finally is freed the walk-in refrigerator before I saw the image. To add to this, I believe this will be a very tense moment. Syd is incredibly disappointed with Carmy, but we’re going to get a hellava moment between the two in the very first episode. This moment is going to show just how deep Syd’s love (and I actually do mean in the friendship sense here) runs for Carmy. Despite Carmy already fucking up by not get the fridge fixed, we will get to see Syd give Carmy more grace than he deserves. But she is going to be skeptical as hell of him. He is going to seemingly change overnight and ignore all healthy ways of coping and go straight into this maniacal version of himself. 

They are about to put us through a Sydcarmy fight for the ages after Carmy does his whole partnership shit. But when I tell you this is going to remind us of the most dramatic romances we read on our Kindles, I mean it. Imagine this trope as one of those whole ass agreement list things that one or both of the romance leads (in a friends to lovers, especially) have. The agreement is done when the friends have an insane, amazing friendship and there’s more there, obviously, but they’re afraid to admit it. Sometimes they truly don’t even know that they like each other! In the case of Carmy, he is so avoidant of all of his feelings, he doesn’t even allow himself to think he likes her in this way. And even if he does recognize it, he certainly doesn’t know how to properly channel that into a romantic relationship with Sydney but he is 100% cognizant of the fact that he doesn’t want to lose her. That he CANNOT lose her. This agreement is done under the guide of a professional work agreement, but what he is proposing sounds more initamiate this just a work agreement. I honestly think it’s going to be jarring because on one hand Carmy believes this will lead to a star, but on the other hand what he’s trying to do starts to look and sound more like a non-platonic relationship.  

There is going to be a DREAM sequence that will make sydcarmy shippers happy. I just have this feeling or maybe this is me in delululand. Look. There were one too many damn dream sequence jokes for me to not take it seriously. I’m always a big believer that dream sequences should go big or go home; in fact, I’m trying to go through all of the dream sequences I’ve watched before in my head right now. I can’t think of one that did not involve kissing OR the wake-up-right-before-they-kiss moment at least. Think back to last month’s Polin (Bridgerton). I hope we get the kiss but I’ll even take the latter. BUT I’m going to go big and say that this may not even be a all heated and sexy dream. Um. What if it’s a Sydcarmy wedding!!!  

Syd and Carmy will sit next to each other at the funeral. There will be some comforting hand holding that is going to put us in a chokehold. I think Syd cries and Carmy comforts her. 

Ya know how Carmy helped Claire move whatever the hell furniture last season? Yeah, we’re gonna see a parallel of the moving thing when he helps Syd. We’re gonna get a Sydcarmy moment inside Sydney’s apartment and they’re going to talk about the future. This will be a great scene and will be use in all the future edits for sureee. Fantasyland me wants Carmy to say some shit like, “Syd, I don’t even know why you didn’t just move in with me?” “Carmy, use your head. You have one bedroom ? ? ?” “I would’ve taken the couch, nbd.”

Carmy sees Syd’s tattoos. I hope!! Perhaps this is in the dream sequence? Or maybe they have an actual conversation. Carmy tells Syd what one of his tattoos means. She does the same. But, forreal, this is a headcanon for me. 

To end the season, Syd and Carmy forreal do something that makes it hard to deny they are 100% in the platonic love category. They kiss and there is a conversation that rivals the under the table scene. Richie is the one who helps them get to this point. 

Sydney makes the decision to step away from Carmy a bit. Does she go to Ever? God, I hope not. But I think her health problems are going to be crazier (PLEASE STORER do not make her sick!!! I beg you!) and she can’t deal with Carmy’s shit any longer. I honestly think we’re going to see the season span months and the angst will be rough. Hopefully it’s one of those, “Three Months Later” things so we don’t actually have to see it. LOL Just get me to the end. 

Carmy is about to piss everyone off. I think we’re going to see Tina, Natalie, Richie, Sweeps, even Pete get into it with him. 

There will be a good number of flashbacks this season:

*Mikey in his last few months, weeks, and/or days leading up to his death 

*But also we’ll see some fun, sweet memories involving Mikey. Moments with Richie, Nat, and Carmy.

*Carmy as a chef before The Beef/The Bear. I’m so looking forward to these! 

*We are finally going to see Syd’s mom in flashbacks! 

Emanuael and Carmy meet. Syd’s dad will not like Carmy. He’s not gonna be impressed at all. They are going to talk and Carmy is going to do everything in his power to convince Emanuel he will be better for Syd and that she’s everything to him. Emanuel is going to give him some advice to win over Sydney. 

Richie is going to start dating and at least semi-successful. I think his redemption arc is still happening and specifically related to his relationships. Not gonna lie, I do actually like the idea of Jess and Richie and so I’m going to keep that in the mix and say Richie is the one who sets up Syd with the Ever guy. Richie will attend Tiff and Frank’s wedding. 

Syd and Marcus grow so much closer. Syd is going to serve as a supporting, loving friend to Marcus. They’re going to bond over the dead mom club. It’s going to be wonderful to see their friendship.

Donna is there for Nat. Perhaps she goes into labor and Donna is there to ease her nerves. It’s a wild moment for sure but a pretty poignant one. 

Luca. Dude. I don’t even know. I LOVE his character. I want him to, like, I’d love for him and Marcus to hook up. That would be the absolute best. Hell, I’d really love for Luca to be Sydney and starting flirting with her and with get to see jealous!Carmy! (PLEASE!) but I’ll settle for some flashback scenes. I guessss. Perhaps Luca comes help out at The Bear? I’d love that.

I’ve seen a lot of people say that The Bear will struggle greatly and close. I cannot deal with this LOL. I don’t want this to happen so I’m not going to predict it, but I think there will be some struggling. 

Tina’s story is gonna be emotional. Her journey into the kitchen is going to be one that happens because she desperately needs a job. We’re going to see her with Luis’ father. We are going to see her with Mikey. We’re going to see that she has always been bright and so capable. 

Claire. Man. I don’t like that she is even in this season, but I appreciate a great story and don’t think we can fully wrap this whole thing up if the walk-in fridge breakup was it. Fak is starting to get on my last nerves with his matchmaking shit lol but I think we will see Claire in at least a slightly different and enhanced light. Chris Storer is intentional in everything he does and I don’t believe for one second this doctor can be so surface level. Carmy may have this guilt eating him up and his trauma keeping him from  wanting anything good, but ultimately Carmy doesn’t actually want her. She’s meant to represent this nice person and serve merely as (physical) relief. But I don’t even know. I don’t think she and Carmy are endgame at all. I want Claire to tell Fak to stop his nonsense. I want her to understand her worth and not go back to Carmy after he said all of this shit about her (and not just because I love Sydcarmy but because I’m for the girlies knowing their worth!). 

What I would really love to happen is Claire cursing Carmy tf out. I’d love for Claire and Syd to have a one-on-one conversation and Sydney says something that exposes how she feels about Carmy to Claire. Awkwardness ensues. 

Okay. Damn. I started typing and I couldn’t stop. It was as if I was ten years old again and typing my predictions for the upcoming Harry Potter book. Dang. Take me back to those days! Those prediction threads were unreal. Tell me your predictions! 

[freedelusionshere]

Parentification

Thinking about Syd taking care of people and how she looks after Emmanuel and how she's probably been doing that since her mother passed at a very young age. That moment when he calls her in Legacy and leaves her a message: “Remember when the radiator was doing that click-click-click? Who did you call?" And how it mirrors the story about her mother having to get out of the car and change the tire herself.

Syd constantly takes care of others but doesn't really open up her full self. We see Syd taking care of or looking after so many people. Like, she's the one who goes with Marcus to help him sort through his mom's stuff after her passing.

Emmanuel's constant prying about her "business partner" and "partnership agreement", when he's basically asking her what's going on with her and Carmy in a roundabout way? She obviously doesn't want him to fully know her thoughts about Carmy? That's why she leases the apartment and then shows him after, because she knows he'll try to talk her out of it.

And, of course, this moment:

[turbulenthandholding]

Hello! I've been vibrating waiting on 'Body Meets Soul' and was wondering will you be updating it before Season 3 premiere? You got me hooked on that story 😭

Thank you for asking and I'm thrilled you are enjoying the story!!

The good news is that I am fighting my way through finishing the final scene and edits in chapter 8 (all 13k words of it so far) and I am BOUND AND DETERMINED to finish it this weekend. Most of chapter 9 is also written and it will probably be the last chapter of the main part of the story. I'm planning on either an epilogue, an epilogue and a companion story, or a companion story taking the place of an epilogue -- I keep changing my mind. All of this to say, I'm hoping for it all to be posted before season 3!

Here's a little preview under the cut of something to come in Chapter 8...one of my favorite paragraphs I've written.

Syd’s chin lifts and she meets his eyes.  “I've known him my whole life.  I knew him before I ever met him, Dad.  Sometimes I can even feel what he's feeling.  And he's only ever proven all of my feelings and assumptions right, in the time I've actually known him.”  It’s an irrefutable fact of life to Sydney at this point, a truism for the ages.  The sky is blue.  The Earth is round.  Mise en place.  Sharp knives hurt less.  Hot glass looks like cold glass.  The L always runs late when you are.  There’s only pain in being a Chicago sports fan.  Sydney loves Carmy, always has and always will.

[loveabledirtbag]

1.07 - The Review

the day has come. this episode. ufffffffff. this episode. it’s all been leading here. i always knew that it would end this way.

before we even begin, i just gotta say….this episode is so much. it’s so odd how much i love it, because i think it was one of the first times i’d ever felt seen in the service industry. something just happens when you work in the service industry long enough where every single thing that COULD go wrong, DOES go wrong. and for some reason there’s never a FUCKING MARKER THAT FUCKING WORKS.

i’m probably gonna say a lot that pisses people off, and i’m gonna do my best to make sure everyone is pissed off evenly. because i got some hot takes in my watch of this, but i hope you all find it nuanced and detailed enough that maybe there’s stuff in here for everyone to take something away from it. maybe the true traumatic working experience was the friends we made along the way…

LETS DIVE IN

that intro to the episode though! i remember watching for the first time and just being so thrown off guard. why are we getting this semi-old-school tv intro? we get opening credits, we’re seeing everyone coming into work. it’s just so GOOD! because we the audience are just as lost as the characters are. we’re sorta thrown for a loop, with an opening that honestly feels sort of familiar, just like them coming to work feels familiar. day in and day out, they do this. just like every other day. we’ve seen a million shows that show us an opening like this. but then tossing in little bits of chicago history, landmarks, and tidbits. breathing in and breathing out….chicago. all of it to signify that no one (not us, the audience. not the characters) are ready for what’s about to happen. no one knows when they’re going to experience the worst day of their life. if just happens.

uff. ebraheim’s reading of the review is so painfully good. because you can tell his enthusiasm for the review! but his less than perfect reading, on a topic that he doesn’t understand is actually creating tension, adds tension on top of tension! uff. so good.

also, what a pretentious review! my god! the dichotomy of the long haired bearded man who got syd’s dish last episode, and the privileged snobbery of a holier-than-thou reviewer makes his words even more pretentious. “oh, chicago’s changing so much, wahhh. how can we evolve and not change the core of who we are”. which, is a topic i really value, and a subject i think about a lot for my own city. but the way it comes off in this review makes me wanna go, “oh fuck off, you middle aged fuck!”

plus the fact that a lot is happening and ebra is just reading, and is told multiple times to stop, but he keeps going because he thinks he’s lifting spirits. ugh. heartbreaking.

uff. ebra won’t stop reading. tina is late. marcus is NOT doing cakes but is lost in donuts (AGAIN). they’re rolling out the new to-go systems today. a reviewer is praising syd’s dish that isn’t actually on the menu and was given to him instead of being tossed. it’s just a perfect cluster fuck of a day. and it hasn’t even began.

i’ve seen some back and forth on how weird it is that when tina introduces her son louie to the restaurant, after he got suspended, was to ask carmy to teach him how to work at a restaurant. which i don’t think is weird at all! i know a few people who’s parents worked in restaurants, or who knew of parents who worked in restaurants, and their kids basically worked lower down positions as a chore. most weren’t paid. is that illegal? yes. BUT, louie is suspended, his mom works all day, we never hear of a dad. he can’t be left home all day, and being left home all day without supervision probably wouldn’t be good for any kid, but definitely not a kid who just got suspended. there’s a tone in tina’s voice of….recognition that louie probably is going to need to learn restaurant skills because he’s most likely not going to go far in school. so it’s not the worst thing in the world. am i opposed to child labor? yes. do i think it’s the worst thing in the world that while louie is suspended he learns to work in a kitchen? no. do i think he deserves to be paid? yes. do i think he is going to be paid? really couldn’t tell ya. but i also think this is just true to a world of people in kitchens, and a real issue that parents and guardians have to deal with in regards to their kids. right or wrong isn’t really the thing to discuss here, but the authenticity of this moment in the lives of a lot of working class individuals.

i will say that carmy throwing training louie in on sydney is a little dickish. i understand there’s a lot going on, and carmy feels the weight of the lot that is going on. but syd also has a lot going on, and carmy just kind of tosses it at her. i think there’s a lot of moments people complain about carmy throwing stuff on syd’s plate. and i agree with some of it and don’t agree with others. but it could have been just a bit easier on everyone if carmy gave it to someone who had less going on than syd. give louie to sweeps and have louie do the odds and ends that need doing. you know?

UFF, that the moment we see the unhappiness on syd’s face as carmy passes louie off on her, ebra starts reading the review again. painful. just painful.

i love that tina has so quickly come to regard syd as a teacher. that she confides in syd about louie and believes in her so much that she is confident that syd can help louie the same way syd helped tina.

love the little moment of richie and carmy being on the same side on the review. just both of them going: who the fuck is this hack who thinks it’s endearing to call us shabby, as if we’re this quaint little hayseed restaurant. the little engine that could. fuck him! i love those small moments when carmy and richie are so clearly family and grew up together and even as they have the most intense fights together slip right into agreement. because the love is never in question. fight, don’t fight. eh, it’s family.

ufffff, but the fact that richie is just that little extra bit annoying to syd. all the bad things adding together, before the real horse-shit has even happened. it’s just all painful. but like, asking her if she’s blowing someone at the newspaper is a step above anything we’ve seen him say to syd. and syd is just fucking over it, because she’s got enough shit going on. and then his repeatedly calling her boss, subtly rubbing it in, poking at the idea that she’s trying to take over. FUCK. it hurts so good

especially watching it again and knowing it’s coming. because so far if you’re watching for the first time you don’t know what’s coming. you might have picked up the one take, you might notice that while the episode hasn’t been break-neck intensity like some of the first episodes, there’s just this….growing sense of unease. you can almost feel that something is coming, but you don’t know what it is yet.

i love as carmy is getting the count for the day: “richie, go fuck yourself”, “69 all day chef!” just these small moments of humor, even if the humor is people annoying each other and also adds to the tension.

oooof, and then marcus doesn’t have the count for cakes. i just…i want to be supportive of marcus. but this is the….third? fourth time? JUST IN THE SHOW that we’ve seen someone go “dude, come on. you can do donuts, but you HAVE to do your actual job.” like, he almost shut the shop down because he blew a fuse because he fucked up. like, that wasn’t a wake up call? i love his dream, and i want him to chase his dream, but being an adult, especially an adult who’s working a job to support his mom, at a restaurant that is trying to claw its way back from the brink of financial ruin….you can’t fuck around! or you find out.

i love the moment where sydney chooses NOT to get into it with richie. because she’s teaching louie the register. which is, arguably, the easiest thing to learn. the nuance and finesse of it is, without question, something not everyone can do. we see that as the show progresses, and we’ve seen it already. richie has a way with people that is his gift. but the actual act of being on register is extremely easy. and it’s obvious why syd would bring him to the register, but richie comes up and shoo’s them away acting like his job is too much for louie. and syd just bounces to the next thing, and chooses not to get into with him. it’s not worth starting a thing by telling richie his job is not that hard. AND she does the right thing of asking sweeps to take louie, keep working, while she goes over the new to-go system with richie. because she has a lot to do, and can’t be stuck watching a kid.

and then the fact that as richie pushes syd’s buttons about getting her dish in the paper, suddenly she snaps. richie is getting in her face about bringing in “the wrong kind of business”? as if the shop can afford to choose who’s money they take and who’s they don’t? as richie sells coke out of the back alley, and carmy is selling vintage denim just to make ends meet? and so, syd goes in for the jugular and pushes back. with a lot of bite.

i love that at some part as richie, syd, and carmy are talking, as tensions are beginning to rise as everyone is just getting mad at everyone, and BEFORE the shit hits the fan, Spiders (Kidsmoke) by Wilco starts playing. a live version that is so loud, and noisy, and ragged that it just adds to this unbelievable tension and anxiety before you even know why you should be anxious in the first place.

THE SHIT HITS: endless to-go orders. and here’s where i gotta get into this, because i think this is the precipice of a lot of dialogue and conversations and i want to weigh in. before i go ANY FURTHER i gotta just say that i LOVE carmy, and syd, and marcus a lot. i love them. and so when i criticize any of them, it’s not a black and white thing. i’m not trying to take sides and shit on one character completely (like so many people seem to do).

carmy owns the beef. he’s working to try and get the shop out of a hole and build it up to a place where it’s financially stable. he’s also working and trying to introduce his system to the social environment, replacing michael’s system. there has been a lot of chaos, a lot of pushback and a lot of work. he has hired sydney to be his number two. sydney has been the one pushing for to-go’s for EPISODES. and while it’s not like sydney doesn’t have a lot going on, to-go’s has been her fight for a while. even in a previous episode carmy said “we just got it to kind of a chill place, there’s more to do but this is nice and i want to keep it here for a bit” in response to syd pushing to-go’s. so it’s not unreasonable of him to have said to her at some point, “if you wanna do to-go’s, can you be in charge of it?”. i’ve seen so many people shitting on carmy for being a bad boss for not checking on syd’s work, and to me it’s like…he trusts her enough that if she says she’s going to do something, he trusts it’ll be done. how many of us like it when our boss hovers over our shoulder watching everything we do? none of us! i think it makes perfect sense that carmy gave to-go’s to sydney, who’s been asking for them for weeks, if not months, and if he gave her the freedom and the trust to do it herself, since she has continually proven herself as trustworthy, AND as someone who has continually asked for leadership roles. could he have checked in, or double checked that she did everything right, and made sure she didn’t accidentally leave to-go’s on overnight? of course, and i will fault him for that. but we’ve also seen that he’s incredibly busy, and he trusts syd, so that small mistake is not nearly as bad as the people calling carmy a horrible boss want to make him out to be.

plus, it’s weird that the people who seem to shit on carmy as a horrible boss for this moment seem to also think syd is perfect? like it’s carmy’s fault that syd didn’t double check if she turned off the to-go’s overnight? idk, there’s a logical fallacy in how so many people talk about this moment.

but the point of all of this is for me to say, neither of them are horrible! sydney made an innocent mistake! like, a mistake that FUCKED the restaurant, but an easy one to make. maybe she fully forgot to click the off button, maybe she clicked the screen and it didn’t register her finger and she didn’t notice and assumed it hit off? who knows. new technology is weird. it’s hard. and it doesn’t make sydney a shitty person for messing up, nor does it make carmy a shitty person for not catching the mistake himself.

and yes, the fact that as carmy is focusing on the mess of having HUNDREDS of orders (more than they have of any menu item in the shop), that he also stops and says: “i told you that dish wasn’t fuckin’ ready” shows that some of his anger is at syd for having a successful dish. so, yes, it’s misplaced anger, and he needs to work on that. and when syd asks “what does that have to do with this?” and he yells at her to stop talking so he can figure it out, it’s because he knows he was just caught being a baby, and being angry at the wrong thing and not wanting to be confronted with it. he has trouble processing his emotions, and dealing with them, and it comes out in anger and he needs to work on that!

because i think there’s a mix of things happening with carmy and that dish, and syd. i think he struggles not to see her as competition, even as her boss. he says in the next episode that even as the sou at his restaurant, when anyone new would come in he would have the desire and urge to “smoke that motherfucker” because they were the competition, even though he was their boss. and now he’s the owner, and syd is his sou, and even though she can’t get higher without his say so, he still feels that threat of “what if she’s a better cook? what if she deserves this more than i do?”. we see him work on a lemon chicken dish, as she works on a braised short ribs and risotto. his dish makes it to menu, hers doesn’t. but the critic breezes past all the work carmy has done on making the sandwiches better, and updating the menu by saying “some small improvements” only to get it out of the way so he can talk about syd’s dish. the dish carmy said wasn’t ready yet.

and i believe it wasn’t ready, i think i’ve talked about this in a previous post. it wasn’t ready. BUT i don’t think carmy knew what it needed. he comes off as an unhelpful asshole to syd because he doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know what her dish needs. there’s too much pride on him being the best chef ever for him to work WITH sydney to make her dish perfect. and now it’s all biting him in the ass. he’s mad syd made the better dish, he’s mad he can’t figure out why it’s not perfect, he’s mad all the work he’s doing for the beef is not being recognized but syd’s imperfect dish is, but he’s also mad at the very real frustrations being presented with the to-go orders flying out at him endlessly, and i know, I KNOW (because of the next episode after this one) that he’s mad at himself for feeling all of this and not being able to process and handle it better. and all of that anger and frustration comes pouring out of him in a very unhealthy way.

i also think it’s lost a bit at how carmy takes a moment to think. it’s a hectic moment, and his mind is still on syd and everything else, but he takes a second and he on-the-fly creates a system to try and get everything done and help everyone accomplish the day and get through it. people are going into the walk in and pulling food, stations are being created and properly sectioned off, sweeps is organizing tickets, fak is helping, richie is helping, and carmy gives everyone a job to do. i think it’s mirrored (and mirrored in a healthy way) next season in the finale, but i want to point out that carmy is trying to get everything down and under control, he’s just doing it while screaming and letting his fury fly free on everyone around him.

OOOOOF, and syd asking marcus how he’s doing on cakes, as everyone, EVERYONE, is flying and scurrying and trying to figure out how to get on top of this cluster fuck. and marcus, in a distracted, uncaring voice says “uh, getting there”. because he’s still on donuts. i’m sorry. that’s just so fucking unbelievably not okay.

i’ve seen some people really trying to defend marcus. some even agree with him. it’s pointless to try, we’re fucked, why can’t i just keep working on donuts? BUT LIKE FOR FUCKS SAKE. as someone who used to work at mcdonald’s with no autonomy, who was hired to be some sort of drug addicts half-baked plan to have really good bread when buying bread was cheaper and easier, so your job is nearly useless and pointless. being given the freedom to focus on desserts, and spearheading a dessert on your own, AND THEN being given even more autonomy to research, and experiment, and play around to try and figure out how to make a donut, and all your bosses ask is that you do the job they’re paying you to do. you make cakes. your idea was to put cakes on the menu, we did that, so do it. do whatever else you want, but just make sure you’re doing your job. AND NOT ONLY THAT but at least four or five times in the last few weeks someone has had to say, “hey! do your job please!”, to the point where you even blew a fuse and almost shut your work down for good because you weren’t doing your job. AND NOW there’s a potentially shop ending crisis (AGAIN) and your response is “eh. it’s fucked. i’m gonna do me”. NO! i’m sorry. he doesn’t deserve carmy’s abuse, but he deserves syd’s anger and more. like, i love marcus, but that’s just not acceptable.

ok, and, here’s a place where i want to be really nuanced and try and explain something: sydney’s bouncing around trying to do a lot at once. clearly she’s stressed. BUT, carmy is also running around and trying to do a lot at once, and he’s the boss. he’s creating a system, on the fly, and when he comes to syd and sweeps organizing the tickets he tells her multiple times “step off the expo” because he’s going to do it. and she keeps arguing with him. not maliciously, but because she’s trying to explain HER system to him, but he’s already running HIS system and he doesn’t need to hear her system, he needs her to get in line and start working so they can get through the rush. every second counts and he doesn’t need to waste what precious time that they don’t even have to give to hear her reasoning for something that they’re not gonna do. i don’t want to blow past carmy’s abusive and bombastic anger, because it can’t be, nor should it be, ignored or blown past. but it’s easy to talk about it. carmy is in the wrong with HOW he reacts to the challenges of this day. he’s wrong in every single action, but i don’t think he’s wrong in the decisions he’s making to tackle it. sydney wants to break it down and try to systematically get through things, and carmy knows: we already have more to-go orders than we have food in our walk in. there is no way to systematically break it down. we just have to GO, fire everything, cook everything and see what shit we’re left with when we run out.

syd’s not in the wrong for trying to create a system to break things down and organize the chaos, but carmy is also not wrong for knowing the chaos is too big on this one and they just need to push and see where they land. and as the boss, i will say syd is in the wrong for just…not listening to him. yes, she’s trying to help, and she’s trying manage, but carmy asked her multiple times to do something and she kept not doing it. and yes, carmy is very in the wrong for how he treats EVERYONE. i’m not excusing that. it’s just wrong. but in a rush, especially one as fucked as this one is, you just gotta listen to who’s in charge and do what you can do until the rush is over. does that mean allowing yourself to be debased if your boss is being verbally abusive? FUCK NO. but in a crisis at work in the service industry, if your boss says to do something, you just gotta do it, and if it goes to shit you get the satisfaction of knowing it’s their fault. you were just following their orders. i hope this makes sense. i don’t think they should have just put up with carmy’s abuse, BUT syd’s attempt at trying to have a nuanced and reasonable discussion over how to best tackle the problem was not the time and place. in a crisis, the boss is the boss, and you just gotta go with what they say, and if possible talk about it later. but in the moment it’s do or die.

i also think there’s an interesting parallel between syd’s mistake here, and carmy’s mistake in the very first episode. both of them were trying to help the shop make more money. syd with the to-go’s, and carmy with the ballbreaker tournament. both of them are successful and bring a lot of people in. both of them realize that in the restaurant world, you can’t have explosive growth without proper preparation. because they’re not set up for it. richie tells carmy they’re not set up to deal with the influx of nerds playing games, so carm should make the spaghetti. in this episode, carm tells syd they weren’t ready for to-go’s, and it’s not helped by the good review in the newspaper that morning. more business might seem like a universal good thing, but in the restaurant biz, if too many people come than you overwork your staff, you might run out of food, wait times begin to go up as they’re working harder to accommodate for everything. and then every additional customer gets more and more upset as they have a bad time at this place. you risk losing every new customer, because they came in, and you weren’t ready for them, and they had a terrible time. and you risk losing old reliable customers because they came in and the place was crowded, and you were overwhelmed by the new influx, and they get so frustrated that they decide to never come in again. more than one restaurant has closed because they suddenly experienced an explosion they weren’t ready for, and it overwhelmed them, and then they crashed and burned.

BUT BACK TO THE SHOW: syd didn’t say corner. i’m not sure if saying it would have helped, but richie said corner, syd didn’t. but richie is also an asshole, and choosing to take that moment to push syd’s buttons more as the cakes that SO DESPERATELY need to be cut and prepped fall to the ground. fuck off richie.

tina’s moment to try and check in on syd is so sweet. mama bear gotta come in and mama bear. and that syd takes her anger out on her, and insults the beef (where tina has worked and the place tina loves) and questions what tina or louie is ever going to get out of “a shithole” like the beef is rough to watch. because it’s so clear how much tina has come to respect syd and her teaching her chef things, and for syd to just kind of spit on that, and take her anger she’s feeling at herself (for making the mistake with the to-go’s), and at carmy (for clearly being mad about the risotto and for yelling at her), and at richie (for….well, being richie. fuck richie) and to put it on tina who is only trying to make sure that syd is okay, is hard.

GET ME A FUCKING SHARPIE THAT FUCKING WORKS! FUCK! - the most relatable line i’ve ever heard to depict a shift that has turned into an absolute shit show. why can’t shop sharpies work the moment you desperately need them to?

i do love (and maybe love is the wrong word) the blink and you’ll miss it moment of tina telling carmy that they’re out of giardiniera, and him saying they’ll prep it fresh and (like always) he (without thinking) puts it on syd’s plate. which shows his trust of her. BUT also shows his willingness to brush off anything he doesn’t want to deal with on her. AND THEN, because everything is moving so fast, he calls richie into the kitchen to ask for a sharpie, and as his brain is still processing and flying through he asks him to prep the giardiniera. it’s a beautiful, and realistic, moment of television. because we’ve seen so many moments of “something i don’t want to deal with, ‘syd, you got this’”, and so carmy does that. but he doesn’t even realize he’s said it. and the problem is still on his brain, as he sees richie and asks him to fix this problem, because everyone else (including sydney) is probably dealing with the million other issues that are happening in the kitchen at that moment.

and i appreciate that as richie goes to the back to prep the giardiniera, and sydney questions what he’s doing he says “what does it look like? i’m helping you”, he honestly didn’t go back to fight. he recognizes that syd is doing something, and because he’s also been told to do something he’s hopping into “okay. so sydney’s already doing this, so then i’ll just help her.” which is, honestly, the right attitude. but sydney has already been so bashed around and is already feeling so much that she takes richie’s presence as a threat.

there’s something about the way syd lays into richie that…so supremely gets under my skin. i honestly can’t even fully explain it. she does such a good job in this moment acting out this onslaught of insults. the intense intake of breath, the bitter laughter, the just stabbing (intentional wordplay) of her words into him. ufff. i like….hate syd here, even as i think richie probably deserves it.

and i love that he takes everything she says, chooses not to engage until she insults his daughter. WHICH IS FAIR, syd went WAY TOO FUCKING FAR with that one. because we know he feels like a loser. his ex wife has him as richie bad news, his daughter wonders if that’s his real name, he brags about drunken nights and mornings at bars to dates and doesn’t realize why that doesn’t impress them, and then lies to his coworkers about it, blaming her. he knows that he’s a loser. but he knows that his daughter is the one good thing he ever did, and he doesn’t want his daughter to think of him as a loser.

and again, carmy comes in as they’re fighting, even as syd is brandishing a chefs night, literally TOUCHING it to richie’s stomach, as she says “maybe i will fucking stab you”, and he screams at them to shut up and get to work. which, once again, is the right call, just enacted terribly. because yes, they need to stop and just get the work done, but his screaming at them isn’t going to help calm them down. but also, like….when people are brandishing knives at other employees, maybe you got bigger fish to fry, carm.

uuuuuuuuuuufffffda. the fact that after all this time. ALL THIS TIME. as everyone is having the worst day in the kitchen they’ve ever had. arguably, the worst day in the kitchen anyone COULD HAVE, that marcus goes up to carmy with a DONUT and is smiling, like, “look! i did it!” FUCK OFF.

and no, carmy freaking out, grabbing marcus’ face, grabbing his donut and throwing it on the floor is not okay. that is abuse. it just is. arguably, actionable abuse. marcus was…partially right for leaving after carmy did that to him. that was absolutely, unequivocally, not okay for carmy to do. but….marcus…..the fuck dude. this is like the fifth or sixth time someone has had to do say to you “the fuck? do your fucking job.” in this episode alone this would have been like a “third warning” in a day. marcus deserves to be fired, or sent home for the day, or written up, or some form of punished for this. because in a 20 minute, in real time, no cuts scene, this is literally the third time marcus has chosen not to do his job, not to get back to work, but not even to help anyone else out around the kitchen as they all are struggling and hustling and just trying to make it work. like, it’s not only disrespectful to the restaurant that it trying desperately not to close, it’s not only disrespectful to carmy who has literally given you every opportunity to chase after your dreams and been way more than understanding when your dreams have gotten in the way of your duties in the kitchen, but it’s so fucking disrespectful to every single person in that kitchen who is struggling and fighting tooth and nail to get things in order and make it work so that they still have jobs next week. like, marcus, your mom is sick (spoilers), tina has a son, richie has a daughter, you all need to pay rent, buy food. you’re threatening seven people’s livelihoods because you want to make a “perfect donut”? no, i’m sorry, get the fuck out of the kitchen and come back when you’re ready to be an adult who can multitask and prioritize doing his job, and doing the fun stuff only after everything else is done. (again, carmy’s reaction is fully wrong and i do not support it, though! toxic, angry, abusive. not okay).

but because of carmy’s abuse, marcus chooses to leave during the middle of the shift, and again, kind of leaves everyone in the lurch to try and figure the shit out and pick up the pieces. and….im not fully sure how i feel. i believe in removing yourself from abusive situations. and carmy is being abusive. and i also don’t believe in staying in an abusive situation for the sake of other people, because you have to take care of yourself first. but….carmy is not normally abusive like this. i know a lot of people like to say that he is, but so far in the series, he has only ever raised his voice to speak over others, and has almost never (if ever) been confrontationally abusive to anyone. other than maybe richie, and that’s giving as good as he’s getting, to someone who is in his family. i’m not trying to excuse abuse to a family member, but it’s much more of a feel of “richie is my cousin, i can speak differently than i would to the others who are my employees”. his meanness to richie is more of a informal familiarity, more than it’s abusive. this is really the first time we’ve seen carmy choosing to be loud, angry, AND attack others directly with his words. he has been confrontational, he has been loud, he has been angry, but he’s never been all of them, as he’s attacked those around him. so, all of that to say….the fact that carmy is like this for the first time is shocking, and it adds more believability for why marcus (and eventually syd) leave. it’s shocking. but i also can’t help but think of everyone else that marcus is fucking over by leaving the very first time carmy does something wrong to him. you know? and maybe i’m wrong! maybe i’m not reading past experiences and conversations and interactions correctly! if i am, let me know! but, every time i see marcus throw his tray of donuts on the table and take off his apron and walk out, i can’t help but think “really? you fucked up so many times, you were told to do your jobs so many times, and now you’re choosing to pack up and go home??? you’re fucking people over and forcing syd to do your job for you, while she does a million other things, and you think you get to go home as the morally superior one? fuck off”.

and again, i love marcus. i think he’s got so much heart and is arguably the heartfelt anchor of this shows. but he’s human and the writers do a great job of writing him as a human, and he does a great job acting as a fully fledged human. but as a human, he has made a lot of mistakes the last few episodes.

AND THEN SYD STABS RICHIE IN THE ASS!!!! quasi-on purpose, quasi-accidental. i mean. watch in slow-mo as richie backs up into syd’s knife. its so quick, and syd was looking over at carmy shouting, and richie was backing up. like…it WAS an accident. buttttttttt…..was it?

the fact that richie immediately upon getting stabbed walks it off, and is like “ebra, come on. i got stabbed.” and ebra also immediately follows richie to sew up his ass. what friendship. and what history does it spell out for richie and ebra, both? like richie is just like “ope. stabbed. okay, i’ll deal with this now.” and ebra is like “you’re stabbed? okay, let me get my stuff.”

“not right now, i got stabbed” “you probably fucking deserved it” “mm….m-maybe, maybe.” is such a good back and forth between carmy and richie.

i also think it’s interesting that as carmy walks out to the front of the shop to check on louie and sweeps, while richie is at the front of the bar for ebra to check out his ass wound, carmy asks louie and sweeps how their job is going, and they respond that they’re working on it, and carmy says “thank you, chef. keep going please.” very calm. very collected. i wonder if this was voice over, and just sort of overlooked, or if it was a conscious decision of carmy being calm and responsive in a moment during the chaos? because since shit has hit the fan he’s been shouting and calling people names, but louie and sweeps respond to him with just “we’re doing what you asked” and his response is a very appropriate “ok. thank you.”

i love that as ebra tells richie his story of samalia and the “factions”, as he describes the helicopters coming in, we hear helicopters in the background, mixing with the music. and then richie goes “is this shit black hawk down!?” such a genius moment of humor during such a tense episode. and for that exchange to end with “fuckin’ piven” “piven”.

i fully believe the two seconds carmy spends in the walk in cooler he’s taking two seconds to just breathe.

tina opens the doors, even as they’re out of food, for the very first customer of the day. and he says “do you guys have risotto?” and tina just barks “no!”. ugh. so painful. so good.

once again, syd leaving right as the doors are opening is….i have mixed feelings. she just stabbed a guy, i get it (well….i don’t get it, i’ve never stabbed a guy). but she’s clearly in a bit of shock, and should prioritize her mental health over the shop. but….AGAIN, there are so many people who have no other options in their life, who need the beef to survive, and to abandon them all in the middle of a crisis just sucks. and i think it’s saying something that it’s syd and marcus. they have been sort of focal points and main characters in the show, yes. so them leaving is the most dramatic to the tension and narrative. BUT they’re also young. syd has an impressive resume and can find another job. arguably, marcus has a better resume now than he did when he got the job. they’ll be okay. but as it’s been stated so many times….where is richie gonna go? where is tina gonna go? sweeps has a history of drugs that is probably going to make it difficult to get another job (maybe. idk. he could have been kicked out of the mlb for weed or something, but still). the beef is full of people who have no where else to go, and the people who can afford to get out to at the worst possible moment, at the expense of the people who can’t afford to leave.

i was talking to my sister about this, she’s a psychologist. because i want syd and marcus to be emotionally, and psychologically healthy, and part of that is by removing yourself from toxic situations. but i can’t help but see the class dynamics of two people who have way more opportunities and privilege leaving the shop at the expense of the people around them. and i don’t know fully where to land.

but syd basically leaving and putting all of the blame on carmy is still….not fully right in my eyes? carmy is being abusive, carmy has created an atmosphere in the kitchen that was so overwhelming and bombastic that syd got distracted and accidentally stabbed richie. but for her to say “well, it’s all carmy’s fault” isn’t right. yes, when she calls him a piece of shit, she’s saying it for his actions today; for his actions with not having the humility to admit he doesn’t know what’s missing from her dish, and a lot. but almost every episode they’ve had a back and forth and a chance to talk and he’s continually apologized for his wrong moves, and she really hasn’t. so, to be right in the middle of a shitshow, and to say “this is all on you, this isn’t my fault”…like….ehhhhh, you asked to have more responsibility, you pushed for to gos and then you didn’t set it up properly. easy/honest mistake, but you still made it. that’s on you. you also picked fights (even with assholes who deserved them) and tried to argue with your boss about something in the middle of a rush. like, all understandable, none of it evil. but to turn all of that over to carmy and go, “100% of this is your fault.” like…no it’s not? syd definitely has a right to leave to try and process the traumatic event of stabbing someone, she has a right to leave to escape the toxic environment carmy has created, even if i have mixed feelings on making everyone’s lives harder by leaving. but i don’t think she can say it’s all his fault. it’s not ALL his fault, even if A LOT, if not MOST, of it is his fault.

i also wonder if syd calling him a piece of shit has anything to do with their “i don’t want to be shitty” “then don’t” conversation in season two? (but we’ll talk about that when we get there)

carmy realizing the weight of his actions, as the shit continues to crash and burn around him, only to crouch down and eat the smushed donut off the floor, and then have a sick, twisted, grim smile as he realizes that the donut is actually really fucking amazing, is such beautiful poetry. it hurts.

and also, people really are disgusted by carmy doing that, and like, yeah, it IS disgusting. but that shit happens every day at your favorite restaurant. shit fall. people pick it up and eat it. it’s not great, but it’s so true.

carmy smacking the ticket printer off the shelf and (hopefully) breaking it is the only outburst of anger i am in full support of. the ticket printer deserves to die.

aaaaaaaand that’s the episode. wilco plays their final note, a crowd erupts in cheers and we’re all left just…emotionally wrecked. i have probably watched this episode (along with the whole season) a dozen times, and im still conflicted on how i feel about the whole thing. because obviously carmy is in the wrong. it’s barely worth discussing how carmy is in the wrong. anyone trying to defend carmy is also in the wrong. but i don’t think he deserves 100% of the blame. a bad thing happened that wasn’t his fault, and he took his frustrations out on everybody around him, instead dealing with them in a healthy and non-toxic way. but everyone in this episode was at their worst, and that’s THE POINT OF THIS EPISODE. EVERYONE. tina’s mama bear-ing only caused frustration, marcus was lost in donuts and made things harder, syd made a i little mistake with huge consequences and then also attacked everyone around her (except much less intensely than carmy), richie is on fine form with being his annoying self, ebra reading the newspaper after being told to stop, and carmy’s abusive, explosive anger. they’re all at fault. not just carmy. carmy is just the loudest, most bombastic, and the main character, so we notice it more.

but that’s the episode! next is episode eight! season finale! in what is arguably one of the most subtle, nuanced, often overlooked and not talked about episodes….with one of the biggest, over the top endings ever that everyone LOVES talking about. but, we’ll talk about it when we get there!

season one: episode one | episode two | episode three | episode four | episode five | episode six | episode eight

season two: episode one | episode two | episode three | episode four | episode five | episode six | episode seven | episode eight | episode nine | episode ten

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Sydney & The Sense of Urgency

I got more-I wondered why the clocks appeared in 2x09 and 2x10 with Syd and Carmy- why just the two scenes with the clock lingering over Sydney's head?

The clock tells the story that she's experiencing the same dread as Carmy. I wrote something about this earlier- that state of ataraxia where we are free from worry and anxiety- but I think it just hit me how accurate this is for Sydney. She carries around the anxiousness of the future- the lingering of time and how much time she has left.

I don't think this dread of time has to do with her own mortality. I think it has to do with experiencing death at such a young age. It surprises her that she's older than her mother- she knows more than anyone how short life is- but that feeling comes with the burden of being uncertain. The burden to do great things before time runs out.

Every second counts as a positive for Richie and Marcus to cherish the day. But every second counts is daunting for Syd.

I did, however, notice Ione of the scenes where time ceased to exist in Syd's world:

In this scene, the camera gives us two clocks- one with the lamp in front and the time on the clock by the office wall. It's different from the other scenes where the clock hangs above Sydney. For the first time for the audience, time is not in front of us, and we can stick to the moment of what Syd is doing- taking care of someone. When Sydney relishes taking care of people- cooking- the worrying of time disappears. I think this aligns with the dialogue when she tells Carmy:

The best part of my day, like ten minutes ago, I made Nat an omelet.

I wonder if this was intentional- because, based on the scenes, more than 10 minutes passed when Sydney made the omelet- enough time for Nat to change outfits and for Syd to sit under the table with Carmy.

This is another message the show gives me- letting go of time and living in the moment, whether it's doing things you love or being with the ones you love- be present and take in all the things life offers.